The Genetic Lottery

So, I like everybody else in the universe I have some diseases/disorders/conditions, whatever you want to call it, that I have… “inherited” from my family.  And when I have days like yesterday (the absolute worst ever); all I can do is sit back, give a big fat double fisted middle finger to the sky and in my head shout “F*CK YOU GENETIC LOTTERY, AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON!!!”

Because that’s what it is, right?  Your mom and dad have that special hug and then there’s a genetic pool from which the things that make you are drawn.  Hair color, eye color, skin color, hitch hiker thumb, curly tongue, height, gender, temperament, all the things that can be passed down from generation to generation.  Including things like cancer, diabetes, vision, mental illness, heart disease, hair loss/thickness/balding, and addiction.  Some things skip a generation, some things skip many generations, and some things hit every generation.

There are a lot of things I’m happy I ended up with.  I love my blue eyes and the compliments I get about them.  I love my thick hair!  Well, most of the time.  I love that I’m left handed like my grandma was (although I’m not sure if that one’s actually a genetic thing), that I can sing beautifully like my mother and grandfather, and like the rest of my family I’m highly intelligent.  These are the real wins in the genetic lottery; but when the darkness of depression takes over… those are the things I’m not so grateful for, and I like to joke that “the genetic lottery strikes again!” or “I won the genetic lotto again!”

Being self aware is generally a gift.  When you just want to die – when you want to drive into the median full speed or take all the pills in the house; knowing somewhere, deep inside you that eventually this will pass, that it could be five minutes or five days but it will stop – is the only thing that keeps you alive.

That, my special friends, and joking about the genetic lottery. ;)

Nutshell Church

One of the things I am doing in my life right now is searching for truth & honesty.  I’m taking a look at all the corners and all the shelves in my life and clearing out what’s harmful and does not bring me joy or closer to my creator.  The place where this journey takes me most is to the shelf labeled “Church”.  My mother converted to the LDS church in 1974 (dad held out for almost a decade longer!) and I was raised in and with the teachings of it. There’s a lot of good things about being raised LDS.  I’m grateful for all I’ve learned there.  I knew it, I lived it, I loved it!  All my life I watched, listened and learned just like the little sunbeam that Jesus wants me to be.  Only now I find myself in middle age with too many unanswered questions and at a standstill with the church on a lot of its teachings.

Seeking truth is hard and confusing for me because I was taught to search, ponder and pray.  I was taught that I can know the truthfulness of anything by asking God with faith.  God would talk directly to me!!  Seems pretty straightforward, right?  And it is.  I believe I can do this thing, ask God for knowledge.  But what do I do when I follow all the directions to get answers to my questions, and the answers I receive are contrary to what THE CHURCH says they should be?  (I should note that for me there is a HUGE difference between following Christ and his teachings vs. following the teachings of the church.)

Maybe that’s my problem.  I do not believe that I need this church, or any church, to teach me about God.  I don’t need anyone, man or woman, to facilitate a relationship between me & Him.  And regardless of whether I believe the whole Mormon kit n’ caboodle or just parts of it, there is one fact that will never change.  The only perfect person to ever walk this earth was Jesus Christ.  Ever since we left the Garden of Eden, we became incapable of NOT committing sin.  We make mistakes.  Big ones, little ones, it doesn’t matter.  This includes prophets and apostles!  And that’s how I reconcile my answers being different from “the church”.  Sometimes the big boys get it wrong.  But it’s ok!  We’re not perfect, remember?  #havesomehumility #honestyisthebestpolicy #knowbetterdobetter

The answers I get when I pray aren’t wrong.  They aren’t from the devil, or Satan, the spirit of contention, or anyone else either.  BUT, the answers I get are also only for me.  If you want to know something, you have to ask it yourself.

And that’s me in a nutshell.  More tomorrow.  I’ve been writing this at B’s mock trial practice and we’re being kicked out to go home.

The Priory of Sion, Sons of Liberty, The Illuminati, and Other Secret Combinations

Secret societies have been around since the beginning of time.  (Didn’t you see Aronofsky’s “Noah”?)  We sort of joke about them mostly being for nefarious purposes, but let’s face it – the truth is boring when it comes to these kinds of groups.  It’s way more fun to speculate about conspiracy theories between governments and religions committing heinous sins to dupe and control the general public, or murdering someone, covering things up, all kinds of crimes to right the wrongs in the world.  It’s fascinating, right?  The reality couldn’t be more far from the truth, though.  I know, because I’m in one!!!

I belong to a secret group of elite people on the internet.  Some of them I know in real life, others are online only.  But we meet together for one purpose, and one purpose only.  To have a safe place to be completely ourselves, warts and all, no matter what and no judgement.  We give each other in copious amounts what we aren’t getting anywhere else in our lives.  Love, kindness, support, strength, building each other up, holding each other in our pain, laughter, raging against whatever (together)… It is seriously the best thing ever, and I don’t know how I got along in life before they invited me in.  Don’t get me wrong, I have some amazing, close, and very personal friends.  People I also couldn’t live without.  People that have kept me alive for so long!  But the other people?  The people in my secret group?  Things that we now know about each other we will carry to our graves.  We would rather betray everything else than tell the things we reveal in our group!  These people, we understand each other SO WELL; and knowing that I belong to this amazing, incredible, awesome group of people?  Gives me a kind of peace nothing else could.

So you see?  Not all secret combinations are bad.

And you people in my group?  I LOVE YOU FOREVER <3

The Facebook Status Update That Would Never End

It just got bigger and bigger until it turned into this blog post!  I did something this morning and I went to Facebook to status update about it. Except instead of being quick and brief, it just got bigger.  Big enough that I said to myself “Hey, you should make this one of those mini-posts you do on the blog’s facebook page.”  So I did.  I went over there to post it.  I copied and pasted my own personal FB page’s (now) superlong status update, went to the Sallygirl FB page  (which you should click on right now and “like” because if you didn’t already know about it you are missing out on some funny stuff!) to status update there instead; except as I kept writing about what I was doing, it just got bigger and bigger until it turned into this!  A whole freaking blog post!  So here you have it, the Facebook Status Update That Would Never End And Turned Into This Blog Post That You’re Reading Right Now Up Until This Point!:

From the Sallygirl FB page:

I’ve been working hard this morning, trying to wrap up a lot of stuff from yesterday that I couldn’t remember if I’d finished.  Turns out I finished most of it!  What I didn’t finish, I took time to finish just now; except when I went to move onto something else I remembered at the very last second and yelled at myself (in my head, because out loud would be weird as I am home alone)…


Here is that thought (because I talk to myself when I’m alone wherever I am, otherwise I get bored.  Could be in the car, could be in the store, could be home, wherever.  Today I am bored at home.  I am bored right now because I am alone; so I start to write to fill the void, and I fill the void by writing for you because I know you think I’m funny.  I know that because you tell me, and I believe you so I do it.  So here I am.  Talking to myself as I write, and I thought you’d like to enjoy my thought process as I talk to myself while I write):

From my personal FB status update*:

Just remembered one thing I haven’t wrapped up… JURY DUTY!!!  Good thing I remembered!  #thistime #justgotlucky #totallyskippedlasttime #itwasinnocentiswear #honestlysurprisediwasntarrested #warrantifyounoshowandtheycallyou #NOEXCUSES #imightbescrewed #WHEW!!! #IFOUNDIT!!! #shit #stillscrewed #toolatetodelayorreschedule #dammit #atleastifounditbeforenextweek #youknow #whenimsupposedtoreport? #yeah #WHEW!! #again #THANKGOD #donenow #PSYCH!!! #heh #okreallydonenow
#STILLPSYCH!! #LOL #hahaha #yeah! #igotyou #doneforrealsnow
#whydidntthatlastonehighlight? #orthisone?
#DAMMIT!!!  #iwasgonnadoanotherPSYCH!! #UGH #THISISBUGGINGME!!!  #FORREALS!!
#oops.  #ohwell  #peaceout #xoxo #love,Me #Sallygirl #THEAWESOMEST #awesomesthashtagever #forreal  #whatareyoustilldoinghere #go  #NOW!!  #leave #imleavingnow #goodbye #goodbyeforever #FOREVER #EVER!!! #jebus #icannotevenbelieveyouarestillhere #HERE  #RIGHTHERE!!  #gosh  #GOSH!!! #cannot #even #CANNOTEVEN!!! #okyourethebestforstickingaroundsolong #Iloveyou #mwah

*please note, hashtags not actually hyperlinked in this post for some crazy ass reason.  What up, WordPress?

p.s.  Also note, it has honest-to-God, no exaggerating, taken me almost three hours from beginning to finish to pull of this epic Inception!  You’re welcome! <3





McDonald’s: F*cking It Up Since The Drive Thru Was Invented

I’m consciously subconsciously trying to lose weight.  Right now that means trying to eat healthier, less fast food, but mostly it means only eating when I’m actually hungry, and sometimes just not eating at all (because it’s bedtime or whatever).  Today I had some hot ancient grains cereal (it’s like oatmeal for food snobs) and coffee for breakfast; and the teeny tiniest bag of cool ranch Doritos you ever saw for a snack about an hour later.  Then I got busy and ignored my fake hunger until I noticed it was 2:00 and I had just enough time to run through the car wash before I have to pick B up for school.  As soon as I stood up to leave my body said “HEY!  I’M STARVING OVER HERE!!” and since I had no time to make something AND go to the car wash I decided to grab a cheeseburger right next to the car wash.  This is how it went:


McD’s Minion:  Welcome to McDonald’s, go ahead and order when you’re ready.

Me:  Hi, can I please have two double cheeseburgers (B forgot his lunch and is hungry, too) with no onion and a medium Diet Coke?

McD’s Minion:  Sure, that’ll be $5.40 at the first window.

Arriving at the window I hand over $3 in crumpled bills and $2.40 in mostly quarters with a few nickles and dimes.

McD’s Minion:  Thanks, do you want your receipt?

Me:  NO thanks!  Have a great day!

I wait my turn to advance to the food window.  Here’s where it gets ugly.  Minion #2 opens the window and hands me a ginormous drink.

Me:  Hi, um, I ordered a medium?  I mean, I know they’re the same price but are you sure that isn’t somebody else’s drink?

Minion #2:  No, it’s yours!

Me: Uh, ok!  Thanks!

Minion #2:  Your food will be right up.

30 seconds pass.  Minion #2 opens the window and hands me the bag.  I accept the bag and immediately think “hey… this doesn’t feel heavy enough to be two sandwiches…”, glance inside the bag and notice that yup.  It’s just one sandwich.  Great… guess I’ll beat down the window to get their attention.

Minion #2:  Can I help you?

Me:  Yeah, I ordered two of these and there’s only one.

Minion #2:  What was your order?

Me:  I ordered 2 double cheeseburgers, no onion, and a medium diet Coke.

Minion #2:  Can I see your receipt?

Me:  No, I didn’t get one.

Minion #2 wanders off, comes back and informs me….

Minion #2:  Oh, he only put in that you ordered one sandwich.

Me:  Ok, well I ordered two and it came to $5.40 so…

Minion #2:  Yeah, I’m sorry but he only said you ordered one.

Me:  I’m pretty sure that one double cheeseburger and a drink are NOT $5.40, so what the hell did I just pay for?

Minion #2 wanders off again.

Minion #2:  What was the special order again?

By now I have checked the burger they already gave me.  It has onions.

Me holding up the burger bag:  I ordered TWO double cheeseburgers, NO ONIONS, and a medium diet Coke.  This burger has onions, but it’s for my son so it doesn’t matter.  But the other burger should have NO ONIONS.

At this point, without exaggerating, I have been in the drive thru for 15 minutes, most of it in front of the food window.  I’m really late.  Cars are piling up.  It’s embarrassing.  Finally Minion #2 returns with my burger.

Me:  Thanks!  Have a great day!

I tear out of the drive thru and start driving to B’s school.  Open the bag (still in the vicinity) to discover the 2nd burger?  FULL OF ONIONS.  I’m really fuming now so I take a swig of my drink, only to find out that it’s a lukewarm pool of UNSWEETENED ICED TEA.


I was late picking B up at this point and vowed to go back to remedy the situation after retrieving him because I cannot let a thing like this go.  I know it’s no big deal to the company, but by not making them correct their mistakes like this it creates the culture of “we can screw over the little guy!” and that’s reality so that’s fine, but I don’t accept.  You may not screw me over, no matter how cheap it all is.


Unfortunately, my body took over and made me choke the sandwich down so I didn’t pass out while driving.  Stupid priorities….