How I Know These Things

I’m often asked how I know something.  Like today.  How did I know it was National Talk Like A Pirate Day?

Well, I read it somewhere.

In the course of reading just about everything under the sun, I have learned a little about a lot of things, thus giving me the knowledge to bullsh*t my way through life.

That might sound sad, but really it’s not.  I have actual knowledge tucked away somewhere in my gray matter.  Retrieving it is another thing, but it is there ready and waiting for me to kick your ass at Trivial Pursuit, or any other game involving words.

I read all the time.  One year, I even gave up TV just so I could read more.  I’m on the verge of doing it again.  Sort of.  See, in the past I had to choose between TV and reading.  Now that there’s streaming video on the internet and I have high speed access, well… you put two and two together.  Now I get to read all I want and keep up with my favorite shows all at my convenience, thanks to the internet!  This time, I’m not tethered to the TV by some pesky broadcast schedule.  It’s like poor man’s Tivo.  (See, what I meant by no TV in my last post was I don’t have cable, not that I don’t actually have a television.  I’m not Amish for crying out loud!)

I take something to read with me wherever I go.  What if I have a free minute?  That’s valuable reading time I’m losing if I haven’t got a magazine, newspaper, or book with me!

I still need to find a way to not sleep, though.  My netflix queue has 220 movies ready and waiting for me, plus the 60 that are saved for one day when netflix purchases them for my viewing pleasure, and my goodreads book list is 145 books long, not including ones I’m currently reading and have yet to add.  I subscribe to 8 magazines that I can remember (it could be more) and have some books that friends have loaned me.  Then, there’s my history homework, the scriptures, and ARP readings….

That doesn’t even include time for hanging out with Shana the Beautiful, Cub Scouts, making applesauce and pretending to bake bread.  Plus, I’m learning how to make cheese!

And so my friends, that is how I know everything under the sun.