When Rebuilding The Church Looks Like Destroying It*

When Rebuilding The Church Looks Like Destroying It *

I have been accused of believing that the heavens are closed and that God does not speak through his servants today, but that is simply not true.

I believe in the promise and idea of what the church is supposed to be, but that it has been bogged down with policies and cultural preferences that do not reflect the love of our savior Jesus Christ or his mission.  I believe that the church can be what it says it is and I want to help make it better.  If you have no problems or issues at church, I envy you.  I’m not sure whoever said “When the prophet speaks the debate is over”, but they obviously are comfortable with a lot of things I’m not.

Brigham Young said:

“What a pity it would be, if we were led by one man to utter destruction! Are you afraid of this? I am more afraid that this people have so much confidence in their leaders that they will not inquire for themselves of God whether they are led by him. I am fearful they settle down in a state of blink self-security, trusting their eternal destiny in the hands of their leaders with a reckless confidence that in itself would thwart the purposes of God in their salvation, and weaken the influence they could give to their leaders, did they know for themselves, by the revelations of Jesus, that they are led in the right way. Let every man and woman know, themselves, whether their leaders are walking in the path the Lord dictates, or not. This has been my exhortation continually.”

For me personally I feel that past and present LDS leaders (local and at HQ) have continually dismissed, covered up, and outright lied about things in the history of the church; and this is in no way acceptable to me as representatives of the Lord.  I am left to wonder what words are theirs, and which are from the God.

I believe these men are godly.  They love the Lord and they love us.  I do not fault them for their imperfections.  I know the Lord works with what he’s got.  But when the people in charge refuse to humble themselves and instead power forward with statements like “We do not apologize” and ignore the damage they’ve done; I no longer trust every word out of their mouth to be from the Lord.

I am no longer content to go through life accepting stones instead of bread.  I am far from perfect in my quest to live a life that is pleasing to my creator.  I believe that he is my judge, and regardless of whether I ticked off all the boxes on a list of rules set forth by imperfect men leading through a glass darkly or not, he will judge me fairly.  I accept that I do not have all the answers.  I hope that if my words or deeds are hurtful or harmful to you that we can have a conversation about it to understand each other better and make changes where necessary.

I struggle now to find the words to end this statement of belief, so I leave you with this:

Merry Christmas, my dear friends.  My words fail me just now as I try to thank you for all you do and all you are to me.  I wish peace and contentment for you all your days.  It is my prayer that when we wake each morning we remember that “Kindness Begins With Me”.  I pray that more suffering will end than begin, and that I can have the strength to do my part in making that a reality.

Xoxo, Sallygirl

*Click and read the link, please.  It’s relevant and germane to my thoughts here.


It Feels Like One Of Those Nights

“I don’t know ’bout you, but I”m feeling 22…”  Or 17 as the case may be.

Tonight was the Third “Annual” (and by Annual I mean whenever I happen to roll thru town be it annually or longer) Lady Eagles gathering at the Training Table restaurant where they make THE BEST cheese fries and Ultimate Dipping Sauce; and if you act kindly to the pimply teenage manager they will let you stay until well after closing time, and even then they will let you gather on their front doorstep until 1:28 a.m. so you can have a trip down memory lane with some of the people who have known you longest in your life.

I can’t find the words to say how blessed I feel to know these women.  We meet and we eat, we laugh and we cry (some of us laugh so hard we wish we had worn a Poise pad), we talk about our lives and share what’s going on about those who couldn’t make it, we ask bus boys to snap Charlie’s Angels photos of us; and although I can only speak for myself I think we all come away feeling like we have our own personal cheerleading squad out there.  We come away knowing these truths:

  • We are beautiful!
  • We are strong
  • We matter to others
  • We are talented
  • We are smart

and most importantly…

  • We are not alone

Thanks for the great evening, Lady Eagles.  I’ll see you soon!


“Mawwage is wut bwings us togevvah today…”

Last night I attended the bridal shower of a vibrant young woman from my ward.  I was worried, I’ve been pretty antisocial lately and I didn’t want to be a downer at what should be a sparklingly happy occasion.

Never fear, I did spend a large part of the evening on my phone trying to locate where I could get a large

sign (just like the one in my hostess’ kitchen) to hang over my fireplace in the dining area.  Turns out it’s Retro Planet .

When purchasing her gift I felt like a total loser.  I went with the registry (eww, how uncreative you slob!) at Target and picked a mixing bowl set that I actually had mentally registered for myself.  Then I started composing a mental note to include in the card, but I never could quite come out with a satisfactory ending to it so I skipped it and went with the tag on the bag.  (Man, I love me a pretty gift bag!  Nevermind that I’m a cute wrapping paper hoarder, bags are easy!)

If I had managed to be coherent, it would’ve gone something like this:

“Dear L, Congratulations on your impending nuptuals!”

(Because everybody so regularly uses the word “nuptuals”, right?)

I am so very happy for you and B.  What an exciting time you are in right now!  

I wish so much I could have bought you a better gift.  I remember being newlywed and so grateful for everything we received, but more so for the more expensive things we could not have afforded ourselves. 

Sometimes in life you find that you never quite outgrow that “poor college student” phase when it comes to worldy things.  It can at times be frustrating and disappointing, but luckily when this happens it seems that you also don’t outgrow the “so very much in love” phase that gives you the strength you need to get through anything! 

My wish for you and B is that you are always happy enough.  The best advice I ever got was to communicate.  Sometimes it’s ugly, sometimes it’s uncomfortable, sometimes it’s not what you want (don’t we all wish our husbands had crystal balls?) because it’s not romantic to have to tell your hubby what you really want; but if you are always open and communicative of your wants and needs to each other you will likely lack the arguments and fights that happen when you don’t.  That’s not to say you’ll never disagree, opinions often differ, but with complete honesty I can count on one hand the amount of times Honey and I have fought in our almost 16 years of marriage. 

Enjoy this special time in your life, it only comes once and you most definitely deserve it!  Much love, Sallygirl”

Fortunately for her, she was spared the ramblings of a nostalgic older woman gripped in fear of the white hairs appearing at her temples and desperate to impart knowledge on to future generations of women (but lacking any daughters of her own to do so).

Fortunately for her soon-to-be hubby she received plenty of cute lingerie, which for one so inexperienced in marital intimacy, she handled with aplomb.

Now I just hope we’re invited to the reception so I can give her the gift I should’ve given last night (and probably will anyway)!

He Left Me

That’s right.  My husband left me.

Well, I did have small part in it.  I drove him there.

We said our goodbyes and then that was that.

They only let you linger in the loading/unloading zone for so long before Homeland Security comes over and shoo’s you away with threats of towing.  Although, at the Sacramento International Airport they’re more liberal with the amount of time you get.  I didn’t see one uniform in sight and we were “unloading” for a good five minutes!

Honey took the 6 a.m. flight to Salt Lake to visit his dad and brother this weekend.  Dad’s birthday was last Sunday and Brother is turning the big 4-0 so he took the day off work and I got to drive to Sacramento at 4 a.m.

It’s surprising the amount of traffic at so early in the day!  I’m just glad it wasn’t Oakland.  There’s only one lane open from Tracy to Livermore until 5 a.m. and it’s brutal.

I was extra excited it was Sacramento because Chick-fil-A is on the way home!  I ❤ me some Chick-fil-A breakfast chicken!

Except they don’t open until 6:30.

D-A-M-N!  It was totally worth sitting in the freezing cold darkness in my car at 5:23 for 30 minutes until opening, until I found out would be more like an HOUR later.   I didn’t expect them to be open before the buttcrack of dawn like Mickey D’s is, but I thought for sure they’d be open at 6:00!

Ok, no big.  I’ll just have a late night snack when I pick Honey up at 10:48 p.m. on Sunday.

Oooh, wait… I bet they close at 10!  HEY WAITAMINUTE…. They’re not even open on Sundays!!!  Now I can’t just go early for the chicken then hang out at the park & call for 90 minutes while waiting for Honey’s return flight!

Great.  My man leaves me all by myself for a whole weekend, I have to take the Villagers all by my lonesome to the Ward Christmas Party on Saturday night, and no Chick-fil-A on the front OR back end of the weekend!

That’s not right.

To top it all off I was SO tired on the drive home, I actually had to find a place close off the freeway to park & sleep for a little bit so I didn’t end up as the headline story on the morning news.

And Trader Joe’s doesn’t open until 9:00 a.m. so I couldn’t stop there on my way home, either.

Why can’t people be more considerate of my schedule?

I Can’t Make You ____ Me

I can’t make you love me.

Or like, need, or want me.

You either do or you don’t.

That’s not a slam to me, I know I’m an acquired taste.  And just like I don’t have to be friends with everybody, I don’t expect everybody to be friends with me.

But what do you do when there are people in your life you already have a relationship with, but one of you is better at contact than the other?  What do you do when as time goes on you start to share less and less, then you stop picking up the phone (either to make the call or to answer), and after awhile you just don’t know what to say to the other?

Do you cherish the memories, say a mental “Goodbye”, and move onto the next phase of life?  Are we only in each other’s lives for a season?  Do you sit them down to lunch and talk, or write them a letter and tell them how you feel?

What if you both want the relationship, but one of you is significantly busier than the other?  What if you want the relationship but there’s an age difference that makes it difficult?  What do you do when the relationship feels forced, or that you’re an albatross around the neck to them?

What do you do if it’s family?