One of the things I am doing in my life right now is searching for truth & honesty. I’m taking a look at all the corners and all the shelves in my life and clearing out what’s harmful and does not bring me joy or closer to my creator. The place where this journey takes me most is to the shelf labeled “Church”. My mother converted to the LDS church in 1974 (dad held out for almost a decade longer!) and I was raised in and with the teachings of it. There’s a lot of good things about being raised LDS. I’m grateful for all I’ve learned there. I knew it, I lived it, I loved it! All my life I watched, listened and learned just like the little sunbeam that Jesus wants me to be. Only now I find myself in middle age with too many unanswered questions and at a standstill with the church on a lot of its teachings.
Seeking truth is hard and confusing for me because I was taught to search, ponder and pray. I was taught that I can know the truthfulness of anything by asking God with faith. God would talk directly to me!! Seems pretty straightforward, right? And it is. I believe I can do this thing, ask God for knowledge. But what do I do when I follow all the directions to get answers to my questions, and the answers I receive are contrary to what THE CHURCH says they should be? (I should note that for me there is a HUGE difference between following Christ and his teachings vs. following the teachings of the church.)
Maybe that’s my problem. I do not believe that I need this church, or any church, to teach me about God. I don’t need anyone, man or woman, to facilitate a relationship between me & Him. And regardless of whether I believe the whole Mormon kit n’ caboodle or just parts of it, there is one fact that will never change. The only perfect person to ever walk this earth was Jesus Christ. Ever since we left the Garden of Eden, we became incapable of NOT committing sin. We make mistakes. Big ones, little ones, it doesn’t matter. This includes prophets and apostles! And that’s how I reconcile my answers being different from “the church”. Sometimes the big boys get it wrong. But it’s ok! We’re not perfect, remember? #havesomehumility #honestyisthebestpolicy #knowbetterdobetter
The answers I get when I pray aren’t wrong. They aren’t from the devil, or Satan, the spirit of contention, or anyone else either. BUT, the answers I get are also only for me. If you want to know something, you have to ask it yourself.
And that’s me in a nutshell. More tomorrow. I’ve been writing this at B’s mock trial practice and we’re being kicked out to go home.