McDonald’s: F*cking It Up Since The Drive Thru Was Invented

I’m consciously subconsciously trying to lose weight.  Right now that means trying to eat healthier, less fast food, but mostly it means only eating when I’m actually hungry, and sometimes just not eating at all (because it’s bedtime or whatever).  Today I had some hot ancient grains cereal (it’s like oatmeal for food snobs) and coffee for breakfast; and the teeny tiniest bag of cool ranch Doritos you ever saw for a snack about an hour later.  Then I got busy and ignored my fake hunger until I noticed it was 2:00 and I had just enough time to run through the car wash before I have to pick B up for school.  As soon as I stood up to leave my body said “HEY!  I’M STARVING OVER HERE!!” and since I had no time to make something AND go to the car wash I decided to grab a cheeseburger right next to the car wash.  This is how it went:


McD’s Minion:  Welcome to McDonald’s, go ahead and order when you’re ready.

Me:  Hi, can I please have two double cheeseburgers (B forgot his lunch and is hungry, too) with no onion and a medium Diet Coke?

McD’s Minion:  Sure, that’ll be $5.40 at the first window.

Arriving at the window I hand over $3 in crumpled bills and $2.40 in mostly quarters with a few nickles and dimes.

McD’s Minion:  Thanks, do you want your receipt?

Me:  NO thanks!  Have a great day!

I wait my turn to advance to the food window.  Here’s where it gets ugly.  Minion #2 opens the window and hands me a ginormous drink.

Me:  Hi, um, I ordered a medium?  I mean, I know they’re the same price but are you sure that isn’t somebody else’s drink?

Minion #2:  No, it’s yours!

Me: Uh, ok!  Thanks!

Minion #2:  Your food will be right up.

30 seconds pass.  Minion #2 opens the window and hands me the bag.  I accept the bag and immediately think “hey… this doesn’t feel heavy enough to be two sandwiches…”, glance inside the bag and notice that yup.  It’s just one sandwich.  Great… guess I’ll beat down the window to get their attention.

Minion #2:  Can I help you?

Me:  Yeah, I ordered two of these and there’s only one.

Minion #2:  What was your order?

Me:  I ordered 2 double cheeseburgers, no onion, and a medium diet Coke.

Minion #2:  Can I see your receipt?

Me:  No, I didn’t get one.

Minion #2 wanders off, comes back and informs me….

Minion #2:  Oh, he only put in that you ordered one sandwich.

Me:  Ok, well I ordered two and it came to $5.40 so…

Minion #2:  Yeah, I’m sorry but he only said you ordered one.

Me:  I’m pretty sure that one double cheeseburger and a drink are NOT $5.40, so what the hell did I just pay for?

Minion #2 wanders off again.

Minion #2:  What was the special order again?

By now I have checked the burger they already gave me.  It has onions.

Me holding up the burger bag:  I ordered TWO double cheeseburgers, NO ONIONS, and a medium diet Coke.  This burger has onions, but it’s for my son so it doesn’t matter.  But the other burger should have NO ONIONS.

At this point, without exaggerating, I have been in the drive thru for 15 minutes, most of it in front of the food window.  I’m really late.  Cars are piling up.  It’s embarrassing.  Finally Minion #2 returns with my burger.

Me:  Thanks!  Have a great day!

I tear out of the drive thru and start driving to B’s school.  Open the bag (still in the vicinity) to discover the 2nd burger?  FULL OF ONIONS.  I’m really fuming now so I take a swig of my drink, only to find out that it’s a lukewarm pool of UNSWEETENED ICED TEA.


I was late picking B up at this point and vowed to go back to remedy the situation after retrieving him because I cannot let a thing like this go.  I know it’s no big deal to the company, but by not making them correct their mistakes like this it creates the culture of “we can screw over the little guy!” and that’s reality so that’s fine, but I don’t accept.  You may not screw me over, no matter how cheap it all is.


Unfortunately, my body took over and made me choke the sandwich down so I didn’t pass out while driving.  Stupid priorities….


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