To Whom It Concerns, Spring 2015

And now, another edition of “To Whom It Concerns”.


Dear TP Companies,

If 12 Mega Rolls = 48 Regular Rolls, am I supposed to believe that there are only 10 squares of TP on a regular roll?  Today’s Mega Roll looks like yesterday’s Double Roll.


I’ve Known Since It Started With the Diaper Packs




Dear USPS,

By and large it takes 1, maybe 2 days to send in-state mail.  Why come did my mail sit at Santa Clarita for 16 hours?  And then Sacramento for 24+?  It shouldn’t take 5+ days for a small padded envelope from Reseda to reach Me.

Yours Truly,

I Wants It NOW, Precious!




Dear Amazon Sellers,

If you’re willing to sell your book for $0.01, why not just donate it?  That seems like a waste of resources.  Maybe you are able to ship it for less than the $3.99 allowance?  Even still, it’s so insignificant a profit you should still consider donation.


One Who (albeit, Marginally) Cares About Conservation




Dear Amazon Prime & Netflix,

Why no love for Chicago Hope?  Is one of the cast members a punk holdout demanding more royalties than they’re worth?  Shoot, it’s not even available on DVD!  Or do you have some sick deal with iTunes?  Lemme go check….  Nope.  Not on iTunes, either.  Tell Mandy, Aaron, and Christine their public awaits!

Anxiously Awaiting,

A Serial Binge-Watcher




Dear Hugh Laurie,

I’m re-binge-watching House, MD.  The first time I watched, I didn’t know you were British.  Many moons later (now that I do), I find myself watching your mouth and looking for places where you almost lose the American accent.  I keep wanting to hear you blast somebody in the same voice I heard on Sense & Sensibility.  Bravo, Sir.


Accent Lover Anonymous




Dear Guy Ritchie,

RDJ is HAWT.  And getting old.  He still has to be Iron Man in Cap 3.  You best hurry up and make Sherlock 3 before he hurts himself (a tragic day for us all, to be sure).

Urgently Yours,

Attracted to Badasses

p.s.  I KNEW Irene didn’t die!!!




Dear Netflix,

I am quite enjoying my free 1 month trial that you’re using to lure me back.  It might work, if you can stop logging my device out every time I turn it off.  I know you said my device needs a software update, except I checked and there aren’t any.

Tick Tock,

The Impatient Clock




Dear California Poppies Growing In The Corner of My Front Flower Bed,

MULTIPLY AND REPLENISH FASTER.  The weeds are winning!


The Rainmaker


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