To Whom It Concerns, Vol. XXL

Dear Honeybaked Ham,

Your ham is like crack.  In fact, I think you put crack in the glaze.  You’re like KFC, you put magic spices in it that make us crave it fortnightly!

Drooling,

A Crack Addict

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Dear Comcast/Xfinity,

You’re still bastards.

Very Sincerely Yours,

A Media Monopoly Hostage

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Dear Apple,

I got my password, why you gotta make me answer security questions, too?  I can’t remember all these things!  I just want to buy a song!

Irritatingly Yours,

Sallygirl

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Dear Starburst,

I Heart your strawberry jellybeans SO HARD!!!  My kids (who I thought were too old for Easter egg hunts but have since informed me otherwise) may not be getting any pink ones on the hunt this year.  I would like to know why there is a grape jellybean, but not a pineapple jellybean like in your standard Starburst flavor pack?

Your newest fan,

Sweet Tooth Sal

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Dear Apple,

You sneaky bastards!  How did you call and not make my phone ring?!  You can’t just voicemail me a “thank you” and not support me!

Call Me Back,

Apple ID

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Dear Raley’s,

How did you make your store bigger just by ripping out the floors and re-arranging stuff?  I like it, but I don’t like that the alcohol is now in the middle instead of the produce.  Switch that back, m’kay?

Thanks,

Shopping Queen

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Dear Facebook,

Don’t think I didn’t notice that you “upgraded” your interface on my phone, AGAIN.  This version sucks moldy bread.

Up Yours,

I Liked Having To Touch A Button To Update My Status

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Dear Children,

I have not been a good mom.  You are unaware of the chores that are about to rain down upon you without mercy.  It’s not a punishment, it’s part of being in the family.

I Love You!

-SallyMom

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Dear 2Pac,

California does know how to party!

In The City,

of Compton

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And so ends another edition of “To Whom It Concerns”

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