To Whom It Concerns, Vol. XXL

Dear Honeybaked Ham,

Your ham is like crack.  In fact, I think you put crack in the glaze.  You’re like KFC, you put magic spices in it that make us crave it fortnightly!


A Crack Addict


Dear Comcast/Xfinity,

You’re still bastards.

Very Sincerely Yours,

A Media Monopoly Hostage


Dear Apple,

I got my password, why you gotta make me answer security questions, too?  I can’t remember all these things!  I just want to buy a song!

Irritatingly Yours,



Dear Starburst,

I Heart your strawberry jellybeans SO HARD!!!  My kids (who I thought were too old for Easter egg hunts but have since informed me otherwise) may not be getting any pink ones on the hunt this year.  I would like to know why there is a grape jellybean, but not a pineapple jellybean like in your standard Starburst flavor pack?

Your newest fan,

Sweet Tooth Sal


Dear Apple,

You sneaky bastards!  How did you call and not make my phone ring?!  You can’t just voicemail me a “thank you” and not support me!

Call Me Back,

Apple ID


Dear Raley’s,

How did you make your store bigger just by ripping out the floors and re-arranging stuff?  I like it, but I don’t like that the alcohol is now in the middle instead of the produce.  Switch that back, m’kay?


Shopping Queen


Dear Facebook,

Don’t think I didn’t notice that you “upgraded” your interface on my phone, AGAIN.  This version sucks moldy bread.

Up Yours,

I Liked Having To Touch A Button To Update My Status


Dear Children,

I have not been a good mom.  You are unaware of the chores that are about to rain down upon you without mercy.  It’s not a punishment, it’s part of being in the family.

I Love You!



Dear 2Pac,

California does know how to party!

In The City,

of Compton


And so ends another edition of “To Whom It Concerns”


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