To Whom It Concerns, IXIIMCLV

Dear Teacher That Drives A Red Pontiac,

I see you driving like a bat out of Hell.  I’m known to do the same thing on occasion, but I don’t also tailgate or cut people off at the same time.  Especially if people I know are watching.

Sincerely,

Maria Andretti

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Dear Mister Golden Sun,

Please continue to shine down on me.  If you could manage to stay out past 5:30 p.m. that would also be greatly appreciated.

Best,

Not Bella Cullen

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Dear Windows,

I HATE WINDOWS 8!!!  You make it hard for me to want to get the new computer I so desperately need.  Can’t you just go back the way you were?  Or give me the option?

Not your friend,

Windows XP

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Dear Hollywood,

Families like to go to the movies in January and February, too.  I know, you think we only attend in the summer and during the holidays but not true!  Sometimes you need a good laugh when you’ve been cooped up with these brats darlings all winter long.

Your greatest fan,

AMC Stubs Member J

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Dear OSH,

I hate you.  I used to love you, but now I hate you.

I go to your store because it’s closer and smaller, but no one there knows their ass from a hole in the ground.  I stood waiting at your paint counter for 20 minutes, was passed by two employees, waved at the lone register clerk, and no one ever came.  I went to check out but there were seventeen people in line and only one checker so I just left.  Don’t worry though, Home Depot was happy to help to the tune of $68.

Former Customer,

Mrs. GreenJeans

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Dear Jell-O,

I’m not worthy!  I’m not worthy!!

Thank you for inventing fruit punch flavor.  I do hope you will bring back Margarita and Pina Colada.  Also, if you have any Barbie flavor from a few years ago, that would be great too.  It was super yummy!!!  I accept product past the due date as I’m pretty sure you’re mostly sugar and sugar doesn’t expire.

Kiss Kiss,

My Dentist’s Most Lucrative Client

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Dear Comcast/Xfinity,

You blow monkey chunks.

We met in August and had a wonderful relationship until recently when you decided I was no longer worthy of certain channels.  Perhaps I was not supposed to ever have these channels as you claim, and now that you’ve done an audit have cut me off.  I’m sorry but I have become accustomed to a certain lifestyle and that includes Bravo, TLC, and the History Channel.  I believe you are obligated to continue to support me in such a manner as you have led me to believe I had all along and give me those channels back.  Good grief, how does one exist without the Real Housewives, Andy Cohen, and Pawn Stars?!?!

Yours Truly,

Sallygirl

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