To Whom It Concerns, IXIIMCLV

Dear Teacher That Drives A Red Pontiac,

I see you driving like a bat out of Hell.  I’m known to do the same thing on occasion, but I don’t also tailgate or cut people off at the same time.  Especially if people I know are watching.


Maria Andretti


Dear Mister Golden Sun,

Please continue to shine down on me.  If you could manage to stay out past 5:30 p.m. that would also be greatly appreciated.


Not Bella Cullen


Dear Windows,

I HATE WINDOWS 8!!!  You make it hard for me to want to get the new computer I so desperately need.  Can’t you just go back the way you were?  Or give me the option?

Not your friend,

Windows XP


Dear Hollywood,

Families like to go to the movies in January and February, too.  I know, you think we only attend in the summer and during the holidays but not true!  Sometimes you need a good laugh when you’ve been cooped up with these brats darlings all winter long.

Your greatest fan,

AMC Stubs Member J


Dear OSH,

I hate you.  I used to love you, but now I hate you.

I go to your store because it’s closer and smaller, but no one there knows their ass from a hole in the ground.  I stood waiting at your paint counter for 20 minutes, was passed by two employees, waved at the lone register clerk, and no one ever came.  I went to check out but there were seventeen people in line and only one checker so I just left.  Don’t worry though, Home Depot was happy to help to the tune of $68.

Former Customer,

Mrs. GreenJeans


Dear Jell-O,

I’m not worthy!  I’m not worthy!!

Thank you for inventing fruit punch flavor.  I do hope you will bring back Margarita and Pina Colada.  Also, if you have any Barbie flavor from a few years ago, that would be great too.  It was super yummy!!!  I accept product past the due date as I’m pretty sure you’re mostly sugar and sugar doesn’t expire.

Kiss Kiss,

My Dentist’s Most Lucrative Client


Dear Comcast/Xfinity,

You blow monkey chunks.

We met in August and had a wonderful relationship until recently when you decided I was no longer worthy of certain channels.  Perhaps I was not supposed to ever have these channels as you claim, and now that you’ve done an audit have cut me off.  I’m sorry but I have become accustomed to a certain lifestyle and that includes Bravo, TLC, and the History Channel.  I believe you are obligated to continue to support me in such a manner as you have led me to believe I had all along and give me those channels back.  Good grief, how does one exist without the Real Housewives, Andy Cohen, and Pawn Stars?!?!

Yours Truly,



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