I’m still here. I’m myself 49% of the time, and the other 51% is me learning how to deal. Here’s the thing: All of my life I have been rescued from unpleasant-ness of most sorts. Which has made me quite lazy. And a good portion of the last few years have been spent making half-hearted attempts at getting better, but not really. I must have reached bottom because I am absolutely miserable trying to change myself. It’s very slow going. I don’t want to change, but I don’t like who I’ve become. There is a lot of internal (and external!) weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth. I hate change. HATE. That is not a word I use lightly. But I hate it. But there’s nothing left for me to do but do it. The longer you keep at something the easier it gets, right? Just say “right!”, even if you have to lie. I need to believe that or I can’t get through this. When I come out the other side, I hope we’ll still be friends. I don’t want to change that much. At least, not those parts of me that we like.
Well, I gotta go. It’s 9:55 and still hotter than hell so I guess I need to turn the a/c back on.