Admit it. At some time in their young lives, you have told a bald-faced lie to your kid(s). At the very least, if you are one of those people like Honey that have this annoying little thing called a “conscience”, you have told such an extreme variation of the truth that even Diogenes would pass you by.
Maybe you have a good reason. Maybe your child is unable to comprehend the facts so you redefine truth to their ability to undestand. Maybe you want them to believe in magical things, hoping that they’ll figure it out on their own when the last vestiges of childhood innocence disappear (Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy, anyone?).
Or maybe your kids are just a pain in the ass and you don’t want to be deluged with repetitve questions about the same thing over and over.
Whatever the reason, I’d love to hear your best ones. Maybe we can learn from eachother. Take me, for instance. Next month my uncle is coming to paint my house during spring break. He loves my kids and they love him, but let’s face it: childless uncle + my nutjob kids + paint fumes = fratricide. Logically, this calls for a trip to Disneyland! But if you think for one second that I am gonna tell them that any sooner than the day we leave, I’ve got a doctor I’d like to recommend!
My children have been led to believe that for this spring break we will be volunteering at a commune! A raw food (as in no meat and only raw vegetables because they don’t cook anything) commune!! Where they will be helping to dig latrines! And composting!!
My children are not dumb so I can’t figure out why they are so willing to believe this crap, but I am going to take this and run for as long as I can.