I have been on a bender the last few days of my specially patented form of hamster wheel thinking, and find myself more angry and confused and paranoid and psychotic than usual, all of which makes my spectacular fall in the parking lot of the Manteca Kaiser offices last night even MORE special! That’s right folks, I tripped over nothing AGAIN!! Since this has become a frequent-ish occurrence in my life I have a special way of reacting to these situations that I have perfected over time. I initially freak out and cry in pain for like, 5 seconds and then a flood of thoughts come rushing into my head that sound something like this:
“Where is Shana, she has GOT to see that! Why are there no cameras to capture this crap when it happens? Did I rip anything? Teeth still intact? Am I in traffic or can I lay here for a few more seconds laughing? I know people are walking over to see if I’m ok, but are there other people in their cars laughing? Damn, I hope so! It’s not every day a ### lb. woman trips and falls like that! I hope it really was myself I tripped over and not a missed step or hole or something, I so don’t want some (insert place of business where I have fallen’s name here) pencil pusher kissing my ass and making me fill out an accident report. Ok. Time to put on the big girl panties and get up.”
Of course, I am out of my pain meds. That would be too much to ask from the universe (that I not fall down several days before a refill is available). I probably should go to the doctor, but the legs haven’t been shaved in some time… so what do I want more, my pride or pain relief? Maybe I’ll get something during the medal awards ceremony.