The People In My Neighborhood

See if you can guess who my neighbors are based on their assessment of what my morning looks like:

Across the street:

There she goes again. Does that woman ever have clothes on? Does she even own clothes?? I've seen that same pair of jammies every school day for the last 10 months! Every day it's the same: Kids run out, the mom runs out with the scariest case of bed head I've ever seen! Doors slam, the car tears out of the driveway, and 33 minutes later she's back with a smile on her face, Starbucks* in one hand and picking up the newspaper from her Mexican lawn* in another.

On the corner

Oh mi lanta! ¿Qué es esa loca haciendo? Cada día que sale corriendo de la casa en su pijama con los niños, las velocidades por la calle, y regresa 35 minutos más tarde con su desayuno. Me pregunto si alguna vez se alimenta a los niños, son tan flacas! Un día voy a tener que tomar esa vaca gorda algunos Menudo con callos y oídos los cerdos! Eso le enseñará a tomar todos los alimentos de los bebés y se come a sí misma.

Next door

(crickets chirping) Nobody's home. They lost their house last month.

The other next door

Zzz…. SHUT UP MARVIN*!! I took you for seventeen walks yesterday, I am sleeping off the sugar coma!

Across the street and over one

Yo, did you see that? It wuz like white lightnin'! I'mma see if I kin check unda dat hood when girlfriend comes back. Maybe I can swap her some ice* for pimpin' my ride!

*Starbucks = Tazo Tea Wild Sweet Orange or Caramel Appl Cider

*Mexican lawn = combed dirt

*Marvin = the crazy HUGE dog next door that belongs to our diabetic neighbor.

*Ice = crack, 'coz I got some Norteños in the 'hood!

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One thought on “The People In My Neighborhood

  1. Yep, just have to say that if I am ever having a bad day, I pop on over here for my dose of Sally and it turns my frown upside down. I LOVE your humor. Girl, you have some serious writing talent!

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