Nothing makes you happier than filling up the space in your brain with the minutae of Me. I know it! And that, my friends, is why I take the time to come up with post like these:
It makes me want to teach the world to sing. In perfect harmony.
Seriously? You don’t already know? I am now looking at you with a sad face. Somebody needs to give you a Coke.
My brain knows you can’t walk in the clouds, but I had this dream once that I could (and was) and it was AWESOME!! It was like, rushing through mist, but not, because I wasn’t moving. Just standing there in a random cloud thinking to myself, “Hah! They were wrong! You can walk in these things!
Sunshine on my shoulders
It looks so lovely. (50 million house points and a blessing from the Pope if you got that.) (Add an extra infinity if you got that one, too!)
I’m pretty sure they have figured out a way to aerosolize crack and put it in mass-distribution dispersion devices all through the park. Even just thinking about planning a trip there puts me this –><– close to Nirvana!
I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you. It’s personal. Fuggeddahboutit.
Chuck Norris jokes
Because there’s an app for that. No, okay, I really don’t know. Probably because they’re a bit naughty and a lot impossible. How can you not laugh at “When Arnold says the line ‘I’ll be back’ in the first Terminator movie, it is implied that he is going to ask Chuck Norris for help.” Or… “The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn’t real, it’s when he learns Chuck Norris is.” One of my personal favorites is: “Chuck Norris was once a knight in King Arthur’s court. He was known as Sir Beatdown.”
Books for “reluctant” readers
The Day My Butt Went Psycho. Zombie Butts from Uranus. Sir Fartsalot Hunts the Booger. Heck: Where Bad Kids Go. Captain Underpants. Lunch Lady and the _______. Sweetfarts. Sweetfarts: Rippin’ It Old School. Butt Wars: The Final Conflict. (Need I go on?)
But only if they’ve been in the linen closet for a few weeks. There is something about unfolding a fresh set of sheets and the scent it releases that makes me want to crawl on in and never get out!
John Williams Is The Man.
Where’s the Beef?
The Great Space Coaster (No gnus is good gnus!)
Hey There Delilah (I’m at the MTC)
Jim Gaffigan and Hot Pockets.
One does not simply walk into Mordor.
Therapist Sarge (GEICO)
Mentos and DIet Coke.
Jim Bruer knows why mothers need their sleep.
Dance off with the Star Wars
Sesame Street Milk Crisis
Summit Ward Talent Show Olympics
I’d like to teach the world to sing!