It’s been a long, long time since I wrote last! I guess I just feel so uninspired lately… That really bums me out, too, because I really want to be a columnist. You know, like Erma Bombeck except cool?
I had this whole new list of things, OH YEAH! I was going to say I couldn’t remember what they were, but I just did, so here ya go:
– Costco TP. It’s costing more and looking like what you find in a gas station bathroom. WTH??
– Bounty paper towels (which I bought b/c Costco was too expensive again!). They are like, 2/3 the size of a Costco paper towel! What’s up with that??
– Drive-thrus everywhere. I see the cup sizes are getting smaller. On the one hand, that’s great for the people who order the bucket o’ soda. Nobody should drink that much! That’s what I consume in like, a soda-heavy week! On the other hand, for people like me who are cheap and not willing to give up soda altogether but like a little somethin’ to go with their fries, we’re gettin’ screwed!
– Pool guy and his “Chemicals only” service. I’d love to pay you the extra $$ for the full service where you empty my baskets and brush down the pool, but I can’t. And you know what else? Technically you have to empty the skimmer basket to put the chlorine tabs in. I’d like to say I feel dishonest, but I don’t. No worries, there is a special place in heaven for guys like you who do all that extra stuff without charging me because I’m a dumb blonde, and I’ll make sure you get extra gold stars too!
– City Planner Guy. You were really helpful to me today when I came in and basically said I wanted to turn my front yard into a mini-farm. You didn’t flinch and give me the “Oh man, there goes the neighborhood” look, and were actually very enthusiastic about us wanting to put in native grasses and drought-tolerant other stuff (that has fancy pants names I can’t think of right now).
– Math 82 Instructor. You are my age. This upsets me greatly. Will I ever catch up to you?
– Lathrop Parks & Rec Scholarship Dept. I know you are trying to protect the funds from people who have a small net income not because they can’t do better but because they are doing better (by socking away a lot of their income in investments and other financial crap I know nothing about), but I hardly think it’s fair that my family is juuuuuust over the “low income” gross income amount and doesn’t qualify for a scholarship to the Parks & Rec programs when A) My husband teaches at the school that backs up to the park which is on the same plot of land that your offices are and 2) I’m fairly certain that there is a high percentage of illegal residents (given the socio-economic makeup of this city) that are benefitting, yet again, from my tax dollars. I know they might be paying taxes too (UNLIKELY), but there’s that whole IT’S AGAINST THE FRIGGIN’ LAW FOR YOU TO BE HERE, WHY ARE WE REWARDING THAT??? thing that I’m having a problem with.
– Benadryl. You do nothing for me. My allergies, ok, you help me dry up sometimes, but mostly you just make me obnoxiously tired and you do not relieve any other kinds of allergic reactions such as itchy arms from being out in the pollen or whatever.
Holy cow, I am falling off my seat tired, and making all kinds of spelling mistakes. You know when the spelling nazi is slipping up, it’s time to go.