(Took place in a New York cemetery Manteca housewife’s nightmare-y.)
Life seems so… jumbled up lately. One minute, I’m having the time of my life. The next, I just want to crawl in a hole until school starts/we get news on the house/the kids stop fighting.
I have an addiction to food. All jokes aside, it is real and it is hard to deal with. I was doing fine for awhile, but when you add up everything that is completely out of my control (i.e. just about everything), a girl can only take so much before the cracks appear in the walls!
I’ve been going to an addiction recovery program through my church. It really is helpful. I finally realized that the only way I can deal with my internal struggles is to let somebody else (the Lord) take care of them for me. But I had to turn it over to Him first. And at some point in the last two weeks, my give-a-damn busted and I took it back. Although I’m not eating everything in sight, I’m also not eating very healthy, either. I fell off the wagon and started drinking soda again. Now when I say that, it’s not what you think. For me, having too much soda is having more than one or two a week. I’m a-okay with that. But when I start to have one a day, that’s just too much. It’s too much HCFS, it’s too much calories, it’s too much caffeine, and not enough sleep. I also realized that in the last two weeks I have had no salad. I love salad! But I just can’t bring myself to do it. Not very many veggies, either.
I have been avoiding going to bed like the plague. I don’t feel like I’m having a run of depression, but I do feel like it’s a coping mechanism for being trapped in this house with these three active boys that have nothing to do. Gas being what it is, and Honey not getting a paycheck this month puts us in a very tight spot. There is just NO room for anything that’s not a bare necessity, and there’s almost not enough for that.
Yesterday, I laid in the sun at my girlfriend’s house. Nobody was outside, just me and the sunshine. It felt amazing. I want to have more days like this. At my own home.
Last night, some of the gals from church invited me over for cards. We played something called “Michigan Rummy”, which is almost exactly like Phase 10, except with regular playing cards and some interesting rules. We had on the songs from “Mamma Mia!” (which we had all gone to the theater to see together) and were singing along with. I am going to miss Trixie dearly when she moves. She & Bob are building a home out in Boonieland, UT. I keep telling her it snows there, but this does not seem to be a problem. She is the one that gets us all together, and I am the one that does the corrupting. I wonder who will fill her place when she’s gone?
Today I am praying that the next 10 days go by fast. I’ve made it thus far without killing anyone, but I don’t know how much longer I can hold out. I know I’ll be sad when it’s all over because when little D starts kindergarten, I won’t have any babies any more. But that’s a whole ‘nother post….