All you have to do is think about who you want to be, who you think you are, and who you actually are. I’d venture to say that may have actually taken less than 5 seconds instead of 30!
I want to be:
- SUPERWOMAN! No need for specifics there, right? I want to be the woman who gets up at o’dark-thirty every day and reads her scriptures and makes everyone a nutritious breakfast and lunch before they depart for school/work. I want a college degree in Universe (i.e. EVERYTHING). I want to bake fabulous homemade bread instead of buying it at the store for an arm and a half. I want to have a kitchen farm so I know my produce is safe and available. I want two chickens that produce the exact amount of eggs I need and live forever so I never have to euthanize them or find them sick, nigh unto death one morning. I want to be healthy and fit, do all my visiting teaching and loads of service for others. Take marvelous vacations that aren’t expensive but make good memories. I want to never have a bad thought about anybody and a kind word for everyone. The perfect housekeeper. Tan. Involved in the community. Attend the temple weekly. Have perfectly manicured nails that don’t peel or warp. Etc, etc, etc.!!!
I think I am:
- Smart. Not that I’m dumb, but I want to be smarter.
- Witty. I’ve been known to cause a few chuckles.
- Honest. I’ve taken things back to stores I didn’t realize I had taken without pay (like an extra package of poster board that was static-clung to the one I actually bought).
I actually am:
- A freaking genius! For about 30 seconds on most any topic. However, if you’ll just scratch the surface over there, you’ll find out I really know just enough to bs my way through it.
- Unmotivated, a.k.a. Lazy. I’d have to say my motivation is a two, on a scale of one to ten. It’s not because I’m depressed, it’s not a symptom or side-effect of my mental issues, it’s a result of the way of life I’ve lived from birth until now. If I can get someone to do it for me, heck yeah I’ll take advantage of that! I’m completely lacking in work ethic. If anything, I’d say I’m motivated by fear.
- A coward. I have so much to say but am afraid to say it. Time is so short, we can’t waste a minute of it hiding behind pleasant smiles and head nods. It’s like I can see the big picture of how things are supposed to be, how they could be, but I lack a governor of some kind to tell me when I’ve said just enough, too much or too little. Or if it’s even my place to say anything at all.
- Arrogant. Because the next sentence of my last bullet was going to be: “I find that most people, myself included, have a hard time separating fact from fiction.
Is this sounding like a mid-life crisis? Wondering who I am? I have ideas about who I could be, but what if I don’t want that? Is that ok? Is it possible to be special and ordinary at the same time? Because that would be ideal!
I want answers, but the truth hurts so use your best judgement when commenting.
p.s. I know I have good qualities, too. I promise I’m not beating up on myself, just doing a little self-flagellation examination .