This Is Why I Keep My Room A Mess

I know that some people say that cleaning makes them feel better.  Frankly, that’s the last thing I feel like doing when I’m feeling bad.  Unless it’s my room.  See, I am not the best housekeeper.  I’m sure you had no idea, but there it is.  SallyGirl is a slob.  We keep the public part of the house presentable most of the time, but my side of the bedroom looks like Katrina took a detour.  I avoid it like the plague, until I’m feeling pretty crappy.  Then I put on my Supremely Sally playlist and get to work, and I really do feel better again.  I’m considering making it a permanent thing, the clean half of the room.  But then something else will fall apart, and I’m not sure I want to find out what that is.  Now that I no longer stuff my face whenever I feel like it (well, except for the powdered donut incident yesterday), and I’m banned from having any kind of credit card for life (so I can’t spend my bad feelings away), I use my room as my chaos outlet.

Why do I feel like I’m lying to myself?  Probably because I am.  Damn, I hate it when I’m cognizant like that.  I am running away from responsibility, and I am running out of places to run away to.  I may be forced to start becoming responsible soon.  What if I don’t like who I am then?  What if I’m not funny anymore?  I’m scared to grow up.  Maybe I’m pissing my life away while I can.  Subconsciously I must be waiting for my husband to turn 36 so I can make sure he’s not going to die and leave me alone like my dad did.  Well that’s good news!  Three more years until I grow up!

Gosh I hope this crapfest leaves before my birthday party gets here.  I hate to be a bummer when company comes!

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4 thoughts on “This Is Why I Keep My Room A Mess

  1. Pity party at Sally’s!! I’m bringing chips!!
    Dang it, I can’t find a way for that not to sound snarky. It’s not meant that way. What i mean is that I regularly throw myself pity parties (hey, we all get depressed sometimes) and you totally have that right too and so I’m gonna help. You know misery loves company.

    Really, I’m sorry things are hard for you right now. But I’m here to help. Does cleaning my room do anything for you?

  2. I had to laugh when I read this because my room and the upstairs looks EXACTLY like a hurricane hit it. Now that I can bend down I guess I’ll have to make our closet a walk in again…

  3. Your dad was 34 when he died, and he left all of us. I just wish you knew how much he wanted to stay here for you. You were his ist little girl and followed him wherever he went. He loved that and didn’t want to leave it behind, but alas, crap happens and when He calls, you go.

    Pass the dip.

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