GUSH!!! (And Other Sounds)

Ok, I’m coming out of the closet.  I’m a minor Neil Diamond fan.  I didn’t go all jello-kneed when I heard it was Neil Diamond week on AI, but when I heard David Cook sing this week…. (breathless sigh)

I’m not going to lose my recommend over this, right?  Murmuring against the missionaries and lusting after a future rock star in the same week and all.

Remember that no cussing thing I’m trying out?  Good thing we don’t have a swear jar.  Somebody would be getting a big donation to their charity, and it wouldn’t be my birthday party fund!  Shana the Beautiful and I were at JoAnn’s last night getting all the stuff to make my invitations with, and there was an accident.  Nothing too serious, it just involved me, my hand, and some doormats that felt the need to fall off the shelf.  I was trying to be a good customer and put them back, and that’s when it happened.  I felt really bad because there was a man and his son in the next aisle and I heard the man make some comment.  Bad enough to seek him out and apologize for my language, but he did not seem the approachable type so I let it lie.

Let’s talk about the last acceptable stereotype.  Fat people.  I feel I am an expert on this subject, given that I could easily be mistaken for a blue whale (except I would be an albino one), and I’m interested in your COMPLETELY HONEST thoughts on the situation.  Going back to last night, we decided to go out to Fresh Choice for dinner.  I loathe buffet-style restaurants because you know they worry when they see a fat man coming, and you know you’re providing somebody there some material for their comedy act!  Plus, the food isn’t all that great.  It’s like a step up from hospital food.  Anywho, even though I had less food on my plate than the couple sitting next to us (through a glass-less window/wall divider thingy), I could totally see the dude peeking through to see how much food was on my plate and commenting to his girlfriend about it!  For the record, here’s what I had:  On the main salad plate I had 2/3 plate of leaf lettuce with edamame, feta, raisins, rice vinegar and maybe a tablespoon of little won ton strips.  I also had a few bites of some seriously flavorless Chinese chicken salad on the same plate, and on a smaller dish I had two pieces of cheese pizza sticks.  When Shana came back from getting her kid something, I said loud enough for the couple to hear:  “You know, you reeeeally take a chance coming out to a place like this with me.  People are just dying to know how much crap the fat chick puts on her plate!”  Them keeping to themselves for the rest of the meal was the best dessert one could have.  That, and the industrial tapioca pudding sprinkled with cinnamon.

Now honestly, I normally don’t let stuff like that bug me.  I really wasn’t even all that bothered by it last night, either.  But my shoulder devil just couldn’t resist causing a little trouble!  You understand.  😀

One of my friends from the ward called because she was writing a paper for school on this exact subject and wanted to know how I felt or if there were instances in which I had been treated disrespectfully because of my weight.  I felt I wasn’t a very good person to ask because I have reached the point where I really don’t care about the smallness of some people’s personalities that leads them to treat me that way, and I’m also not one of those poor, misguided souls from NAAFA that thinks businesses around the nation need to accommodate our size.  She even asked me about a time when we were at one of our “Biggest Losers” meetings (she is not a “person of size” by any stretch of the imagination) that I had said I really want to get smaller so I can fit on the rides when we go to Disneyland again, and she asked if I thought places like that should change their attractions to accommodate me.  NO, I really don’t think businesses need to do that.  If my fat ass is uncomfortable at the movies or on a roller coaster ride, I am the person that needs to do something about it!

Well, I’ve got mom duties waiting for me.  No one likes to wait for dinner, they need it RIGHT NOW!!!

6 thoughts on “GUSH!!! (And Other Sounds)

  1. Look, Sal, we all know you’re playing up the David Cook deal because you don’t want any evidence against you in your jail-bait trial with Archuletta. I mean…c’mon! Cook looks like the guy on those stupid Apple v. Microsoft commercials!

    On the fat thing, you made me laugh about the Disneyland rides and stuff, and I agree with you. I think we live in such a “victimized” society these days. Although, I think our society does need to be more “accommodating” to people-of-size, that can only go so far, and more than a few people don’t realize that.

    However, more than a few people also think that overweight automatically = unhealthy, and I am glad to see some studies coming out that show the opposite…unhealthy for Hollywood maybe, but they’re screwed up in so many other ways anyway.

  2. First, I am Shana the beautiful….You forgot the latter of my name….Thank being said….Here is my opinion on the “Fat Issue”. If something isn’t overweight, or undertall, as I like to refer myself to, then they have some other hang up that we just don’t see. I didn’t really notice as much as you the couple that was sitting across from us. I have, however had poeple stare my my plate with utter amazement or disbelief and it is annoying to say the least. I have to say that I get more mad at people saying comments (the old ladies at that Catholic Church….uggh!) or the looks that people give you than you do because you are my friend and I think it is rude.

    By the way…NAAFA….Really, that exists?! Come ‘on now!

    Much love to ya sista!

  3. Here’s my sick thoughts.

    I feel like I have to be OVERLY nice to people as an apology to them for having to look at me and all my fattness. It is exhausting to put on such a happy front so people will think…”Well…she sure is fat, but isn’t she nice?”

    It’s a problem I have. I’m crazy.

  4. *runs into the room & bonks her on the head* HIEEEEEEEEEEE

    I won’t comment on the weight issue; I’m totally ignoring the fact that I’m over weight & those skinnie minnies can just kiss my tush.


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