To Whom It Concerns,

Dear Occupants of My New House (mainly the Wife),

Do you want some of my Valium? I know how stressed out you are right now. You never thought you’d lose your house, and I never thought I’d buy one. Please get a grip. And don’t trash the place. PLEASE.

Sincerely,

A Walking Pharmacy

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Dear Mr. Been-in-so-many-accidents-I’m-going-to-lose-my-job-so-now-I’m-LYING-MY- ASS-OFF Truckdriver,

We all make mistakes. I’m sorry yours can get you fired, but you still need to accept responsibility for your actions. Things like: obeying the speed limit, waiting for the appropriate time to change lanes, and not making an injured woman and her 4 year-old feel like crap when you just destroyed their beloved minivan and now they’re being carted off in an ambulance are not going to win you any favors.

Signed,

The Wrong Person to Piss Off

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Dear Bag Boy/Girl at My Grocery Store,

Thanks for your offers to help me out to my car. I hope it’s not offensive that I never let you help me out. If you need a short break from your job, just give me the look when you ask me that question so I’ll know to say: “Sure, thank you!”. I’ve never had your job, but I’ve had others and believe me… there were plenty of people I would’ve liked to choke for not letting me help them more. And don’t worry, if the real reason they make you help me is because they don’t want to send you out looking for carts later, I always return mine.

Most Understanding,

Shops Without Help

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Dear David Archuletta and David Cook,

Please don’t make me choose.  You both are awesome, one of you looks HOTTT, and the other of you I could technically be your mom!  If one of you could screw up when it gets down to the two of you, I would feel a lot better knowing you had to lose instead of it going down to a hanging-chad count.

Kiss Kiss,

A Woman Who Obviously Needs to Get Out More

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Dear Mr. A**Hat at the Aforementioned Truckdriver’s Insurance Company,

I know you are used to people laying down and rolling over because you’re the big, bad corporate machine that screws everyone over at every chance you get and I don’t know how you can sleep at night when you knowingly defend your client who is in the wrong and has inflicted much pain and damage. But you don’t know me. I excel at sticking it to The Man. I don’t mean that I’m going to take you for all you’ve got. Far from it. I just want you and truck drivers everywhere to acknowledge that crap happens. He made a mistake, a miscalculation, whatever. But make no mistake, it was his fault and you are liable, the police report says so no matter how many witnesses you pay to lie about it. All I want is an apology and my expenses covered.

Sincerely,

The Person Who Will Not Let You Get Away With Lying

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I stole this post format from a gal over at Mormon Mommy Wars. I may have to do this more often!!

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3 thoughts on “To Whom It Concerns,

  1. I’m right there with you concerning the two Davids. They are my final 2. I think it would actually be better for David C. not to be the actual winner. He’ll have more control over his career and won’t be paraded around by the establishment. I think David A. will be ok with the control thing, at least for awhile, since he is so young.

    It’s about stinkin time that Christie Lee got sent home. She was messing with my numbers! I’m still behind 1 point thanks to her. Syesha should go next week. I hope.

  2. AMEN SISTA!!! I am still in shock that Michael Johns got sent home before Christie Lee. There is something just WRONG about that. I mean, not that I actually liked him or anything, but he was obviously better than CLC!!

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