So, today is supposed to be my grocery shopping day. I’m usually right on top of that and love to get it done first thing after dropping the guys off at school. Except today, I don’t want to. And I can’t tomorrow because Honey’s going to the temple and I’ll be car-less. Unless…. Shana the Beautiful wants to take me shopping?
It just seems like I don’t want to go anywhere anymore. Just recently. I’m not mad, I don’t think I’m depressed, I haven’t had any bad experiences or anything. I just want to hole up in the house and…. do what? Nothing in particular. I want to do something, I just don’t know what it is. Actually, I can think of several things I’d like to do, but none of it is here. It’s all at the “new” house. I’d like to be unpacking and putting everything in order. I’d like to be doing laundry in my new laundry machines. I’d love to be outside in my garden, getting things ready or walking over to the school to pick everybody up, instead of driving across town to do it. Or at school. I’d love to be at school. But it isn’t time for that yet, D still has kindergarten to get through before I can get back to that for myself.
I hope you’re sitting down for the next thing I’m about to say.
I so don’t want to go out today, that even if I was shopping for fun rather than necessity, I still wouldn’t want to go! Just thinking of it is sheer torture!
So what is this? What do I call this thing that I’m feeling? I think maybe I’m in limbo? I must have a label for it so I can figure out what to do about it. My brain knows but my feelings aren’t there yet. I guess I could always do it without feeling like it, but that’s such a foreign concept to me… hmm…