WANTED: My Life Back

It really bothers me that I still feel like this.  And by “this” I mean discombobulated.  It’s hard to not think about something when it’s such a big thing.  It’s hard to get happy about the holidays when all you can think about is that your traveling days are over since all you’ll get for the loss of your minivan is enough to maybe get a sedan that you’ll have to replace in a year or so when your kids outgrow the legroom.  It’s hard to answer the question “How are you doing?” when all you want to do is burst into tears because your physical pain isn’t much, but your insides are strewn all over the sidewalk.  I almost wish I had been hurt worse, because then my outsides would match how I feel.  People wouldn’t think it must not have been that bad since I can get out and about. 

I’m not feeling “oh poor me”.  I’m feeling angry.  I’m angry because it wasn’t just my car that was totaled, it was a way of life.  Visiting our far away friends and family is important to us.  Having that minivan gave us the space we needed to not kill each other on those long trips, and the room to take all our crap along with us.  I’m angry because I knew what problems my van had had, and what had been done to take care of them.  I could tell when it needed something done.  Now we’re going to end up with some crappy car that we barely fit in, that we’ll most surely grow out of since the boys come from Jolly Green Giant stock, and someone else’s mechanical problems that I don’t know anything about.

I’m angry because of all I went through the last time someone hit us.  It took me nearly a year to physically recover from all the back & neck issues.  How long will it be before my shoulder stops hurting?  How many more migraines will I have now?

I’m not looking for a boatload of money out of this.  Money won’t make it better.  All I want is what I wanted last time I was in a situation like this:  an apology.  I just want the person who did the hurting to tell me that they’re sorry.  I want them to know the extent of the damage done to me and my family, and to never be in that much of a hurry again.  I want them to think about how they would feel if they were in my shoes.  It would also be helpful if they knew of a minivan that was equal to or better than the one we had for the settlement we’ll be getting.  HA HA.  I must be getting better if I can make that joke.

I think I might be able to move on now that I’ve put words out into the world about how I feel.  Sorry if you read through all of this.  Keep your chin up.  National Treasure 2 opens in 3 days! 

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4 thoughts on “WANTED: My Life Back

  1. You’re grieving, Sally. And it’s okay to cry when life doesn’t live up to your expectations. Getting all your feelings written down is so wise and helps so much in the healing process. But, please just keep this thought in the back of your head for when you are ready to actually hear it: It will get better. It will work out and you will be okay. You aren’t planning a child’s funeral. Your husband isn’t planning yours. Please don’t let this ruin your Christmas. Your boys (all 4 of them) need you to be happy and you are the only one who can give that gift to them.

  2. OMG I had no idea!!! I’m so sorry!:( I am glad you are ok but I’m so sorry you are dealing with the emotional back lash.

    Hugs and sloppy kisses.

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