Word.

You know you wish you were as cool as me and stayed up until 2:07 a.m. to finish this book.  Uh-huh.  And now I’m freaking out for the next installment which may or may not be out in the Fall of 2008!

Somebody Kill Me Now, PLEASE

I have a migraine like no other today.  Not even the good stuff takes the edge off.  Somebody kill me now, please….

Saved?

Out of allllllllllll the crap that your kids bring home from school, how do you know what to save?   

Because, I have nothing from my school days, and I really don’t care. 

I’ve tried saving just a few select pieces, but when you times that by allllllll year long and three kiddies… yikes!  It’s too much!!  And I’m all for having the least amount of crap as possible.  In fact, I’ve been itching to go on a “Crap Purge” of the apartment.  I may not be able to keep the genie in the bottle until Monday!

So how do you do it?  And what do you do with the rest?

What Fresh Hell Is This???

Spring Break.  The two most dreaded words in the history of motherhood.  Especially when your car is in the shop.  And it’s too cold to go out until after 10:00 a.m.  Maybe I should take a page from the Heaven’s Gate people and brainwash my kids weeks before it starts?  Convince them that Spring Break is really Spring Clean?  That they should spend every waking moment of their days mopping and dusting?  What do you think? 

Confessions Of A Second-Grade Drama Queen

You know, I think my boys need to cry more.  At least the oldest one, B, does.  He can’t handle it.  He gags and coughs and chokes like he’s gasping for his very last breath after he’s been wandering the desert for years on end with no water.

I knew bathing was toxic for teenagers, but for 7 year-olds?  He acts like we’re throwing battery acid on him and scrubbing his head with red ants.  We wouldn’t have to scrub him at all if he’d just do it himself, but I think that will happen just moments before the end of the world so it will hardly matter by then.

Number two, S, has also been carrying on like we’ve verbally abused him all his life.  I am honestly wondering where he gets some of what he says.  Is Jerry Springer required veiwing in first grade?  I’ve gotten to the point where all I can do is laugh and make fun of it, but really… this has GOT to stop!  Enough with the “I HATE YOU!!!”s and “You’re just making me hate you more and more because you keep (insert whatever is annoying at the moment)…”  “I don’t have to listen to you or do anything you say!!”  “I am never going to be part of this family again!  I Want a new family!!”  “You just want me to get in trouble!!!”

I hope you’ve all enjoyed this little slice of my life.  I look forward to sharing it with their wives (insert evil grin here).

The Final Countdown

Only two more days until my last paper is due.  There’s still two more months of school, but the last paper is due on Tuesday.  I’ve given this one more preparation than the other two, and by that I mean I started an outline on Friday night for it.

I had to apologize to Honey.  Because me going through school is basically him doing it, too.  If I didn’t have him to help me write these papers… I just couldn’t go.

So thank you, Honey!  I love you!!!

Suicidal Tendencies

I have a confession to make.  I’ve been smoking crack.  And weed.  And Lysol Disinfecting Wipes.  I’m sure there’s something else too, but I’m so out of it I can’t remember.  I’m sure you’re probably thinking to yourself, “She’s out of her mind, there’s no way she’s doing all that!!”

You might be right, but what else could explain me volunteering to go with the youth from our ward for a snow day at Lake Tahoe?  I mean, seriously??  WHY ELSE would I volunteer to do something like that?!?!?!?!

I DON’T OWN ANY SNOW CLOTHING!  No gloves, no hat, nothing stronger than my Reeboks, nothing warmer than my Old Navy hoodie, what am I going to do?!?!?

I don’t have to play in the snow with them, right?  I can just sit in my car with a blanket or ten and my hot chocolate?