OMFG IM LOL SOOOOO BAD!!!

I only want to say this:

It is 60-ish degrees outside, and the pool is NOT heated.  I repeat, NOT HEATED…

MENSA Rejects of the Week

MENSA Rejects II

Wow!

So, two people who felt strongly enough to comment with eloquence but not enough to own their comments by leaving their actual names (that’s right, I’m calling you out), are none too happy with my last post!

This will probably give them cause to add ‘naieve’ to the list of names they called me but I have some questions and things I would like to respond with.

- Ok.  You think I’m a bigot or racist or whatever, but you felt it was ok to say that all Mormons are like that in the same breath?  I’m smelling a little hypocrisy here…

- After re-reading my post, I admit that what I said did not come out the way I meant to say it.  I have a problem with connecting my thoughts to the correct words.

- Exactly what is it that I said that was hateful?  I mean, I get that what I said was not exactly something I’d put on my MENSA application, but it’s not as though I were singing the praises of Hitler or the Klan, either.

- Seriously???

The thing I love best about people is that they remember to remove the beam before ripping out my mote.

Much More Than All Kinds Of Wrong

My kids have discovered ‘Tom & Jerry‘ on the Cartoon Network.  It’s fabulous.  All kinds of cartoon violence and inappropriateness… I love it!

What I don’t love, is that when the housekeeper character is on, they’ve changed her voice so it’s less…. black.  Black, ok?  There, I said it.  I know it’s a stereotype, I don’t think it’s wrong, I think that’s an accurate portrayal of that character for the time period.  Just like ‘Song of the South‘.

I’m anti-PC, but I’m not anti-tact.  The PC Police have ruined Tom & Jerry, Speedy Gonzalez & Song of the South, and until the ACLU starts standing up for my rights I will continue to use adjectives like “black”, “Mexican”, “chick”, and “pigs” when appropriate.  Not all in the same sentence, of course.

‘I smell bacon,

I smell grease.

Don’t worry honey,

It’s the (insert name of your town here) Police!’

The One Where I’m Too Lazy To Think Of A Coordinating Post Title

Well, my S can die happy now. ” HSM 3: Senior Year” finally arrived in it’s little red envelope in our mailbox across the street, one house over.  He was convinced he’d be getting it for a Valentine’s gift from us as he got the first one last year for the same holiday.  Sorry charlie, I’ve got to pay Juan & Co. for his fabulous landscaping and Dave for his rockstar pool man skillz so you can enjoy our pool this summer.  I got no money to be buying DVDs!  You’re lucky I spent the $1.83 to upgrade the netflix account to 3 at-a-time unlimited for the rest of the month so you could have it in your hot little hands today.

In other news, my dog is completely psychotic, but in a cute and fun kind of way.  Not first first thing, but first thing in the morning after we’re all up, it’s like somebody put a smashed up NoDoz with a Red Bull chaser in her water she runs around the house so fast!  Talk about having a firecracker under your butt… jeez!  She has another one of these bursts of energy at bedtime, too.  I’m not being sarcastic, I really really do love her when she gets that way!  It is the funniest damn thing, next to watching her “bury” her bones in the blanket basket.

Speaking of Juan… I almost feel like things are going entirely too well and good for me.  Except I’m trying not to think like that.  So now I’m going to start spouting off how fabulous my life is, feel free to turn the other way if you think you might get too jealous.

Buying this house has been the awesomest thing, EVER, to happen to me.  You know, besides all the other awesome stuff in my life.  Because we bought a house last year (specifically last year), we got a GI-NOR-MOUS tax return.  Freaking huge.  Ten large, baby!  We put half of it on a credit card, paid off a student loan and a teeny, tiny balance on my Kohl’s card, and spent a small fortune acquiring my pound puppy.  The rest is getting spent on making beautiful things happen in the landscaping department and clearing up the science experiment that has been growing in my pool.  And a bookshelf.  And a trip to Border’s.  And a date with the boys and our friends at Go Bananas.

Oh crap, I’m late for family scriptures.  Laters!

Sing Me To Sleep

Once again it is entirely too late for me to be up, but here I sit nonetheless.  When we lived at the apartment, I would sometimes listen to my “Go to Sleep” playlist on my iPod.  Sometime in the night I would be conscious just enough to yank out the ear buds and huck it all across the bedroom while simultaneously flipping over my pillow to the colder side, turning myself over and burrowing under the covers.  Now that we have Chelsea, the essential “cross-room hucking” part of that sleep remedy makes the whole thing impossible since she eats anything that is completely inedible that may be left upon the floor.

On the one hand it’s a great motivator to keep everything clean and off the ground.  On the other hand… I may have more sleepless nights than ever before.

As I was just now lamenting the loss of one of my favorite ways to fall asleep, it occured to me that I could perhaps velcro the iPod to the headboard.  I could still huck the ear buds, but they wouldn’t go far enough for her to think they were her new plaything.  I think I hear Michael calling me now…

“Let me go ho-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ome….”

You Ain’t Seen Funny Until…

…you see my wicked awesome dog!

This dog has gone from recluse to total nut job in just a matter of days.  I’m pretty sure that’s proof that she’s come to the right home!

When we first brought her here, she just laid down and watched everything.  I had to drag her outside to get her to go on a walk, and she didn’t stop to smell every other blade of grass like most dogs.  She also didn’t bark, even though several of the neighborhood dogs regularly hold choir practice at 10:30 p.m. nightly.  I’m not complaining about it, I’m just sayin’, what dog doesn’t bark????

She also had no interest in any of the toys or treats we bought her.  That’s just not right!

Right?

Well, fast-forward a week and you’d think we’d gotten rid of the dog we bought last Saturday and got a new and improved one.  This dog runs around the house with a piece of chicken-flavored rawhide in her teeth, desperately searching for somewhere to bury it.  Inside, outside, inside, outside, inside – all the while whimpering with anxiety about not knowing where to hide the rawhide piece!  Eventually she gave up and got her water bottle stuffed cow.  The inventor of this toy is a freaking genius:

It’s a nice, soft little cow dog toy, with a plastic water bottle inside.  Chelsea plays with it as if her life depended on her speeding around the house, sliding into walls, and crunching the little bugger to death!

Sharing the Love

I’m swiping this from another friend’s blog!

To show the love this week and celebrate Valentine’s Day, here is what you do…The first 3 people to leave a comment on this post will receive, at some point during the year, a handmade gift from me. What it will be and when it will arrive is a total surprise! The catch is that you must participate as well. Before you leave your comment, write up a pay it forward post on your blog to keep the fun going. Then come back, let me know you’re going to play and sit back and anticipate the arrival of your gift! If I don’t have your e-mail address already, please include it in your post, or e-mail it to me at  -  j e x f a m (at) h o t / mail.com Remember, only the first 3 comments will receive a gift from me, so be quick!