I haven’t got game. My life has been one boring minute after another for the last week. Except for yesterday. Yesterday was New Phone Day (a.k.a. “new every two”) and I got myself a fabulous new phone for the price of $23.79, which was the tax on the full price of the phone. Sweet, eh? That’s what I said.
I do have one thing that was hysterical the day after it happened, but I was too tired to write about it right after like I should have, so it may not have the same amount of “good grief, what else can go wrong?!” attatched to it that it does in telling you now.
Saturday was Shana the Beautiful’s anniversary celebration day. She & her hubs took off for a day of movies, and other child-free activities. Before I continue, I need to make you aware of a few things.
- Shana has a dog. I grew up with dogs and I used to love them, but now I hate them. There is hair EVERYWHERE and she often tries to lick my toes which just grosses me out more than words can say.
- I don’t sleep on other people’s beds, even if they do have clean sheets on. I love my bed and everything else is inferior.
- I think I must have a special fly hormone because if someone leaves the door open and flies get in your house, they will not leave me alone!
Now that I’ve given you those little tidbits, I’ll continue…
So, the day went swell, except for having to let the damn dog out every 15 minutes. I finally left the back door open, but this let the flies in. Shana has fly swatters somewhere , but where that is I just don’t know because I couldn’t find one to save my life. I made Honey go home and get ours, along with a few other sundries for me as I would be spending the night and forgot it all when we left that morning. The kids had fun, we ordered pizza, the kids went to bed, and we played Wii for a little while. Then Honey took our boys home.
On past occasions when I’ve spent the night at my BFF’s house, I’ve just slept on the couch. But now they have a dog who leaves her hair on EVERYTHING, and the couch just isn’t that comfy anyway. So I trot myself up the stairs to watch some tv before turning in. I decided to sleep on top of the bed because I’m very particular about my sheets and I just cannot sleep on golden tannish-brown sheets. Honey brought my pillow over earlier, because dude, people drool at night! I’m not sleeping on somebody else’s drool! I settled in to watch “Clear & Present Danger” (there was a Jack Ryan trilogy running that weekend) and was shocked to the point of blushing at some of the stuff that gets advertised on late-night tv!
Sometime around 2:38 a.m. I face the inevitable and lie down on top of the not-as-hairy-as-the-couch comforter to go to sleep. I forgot to have Honey bring me a blanket (again, the dog hair thing!) but luckily I found a sweater that B had previously left there so I’ve got something to cover my feet. Then, the fun begins…
Did you know that roosters don’t only crow at sunrise? And that no matter how perfectly temperatured it feels to you, you will freeze to death without some kind of covering on you when you sleep?
This next part I’d been warned about. J gets up at 5:30 a.m. every day, bless his heart. As I am not fully conscious but not fully unconscious, either, he comes in to tell me he’s up at that time. I mumble something akin to “that’s fabulous, go downstairs and watch t.v.” to which he says “ok!.” Sometime later (and who knows how long at this point because I think I actually conked out) I hear some breathing and sniffling directly behind me which sounds like the hairy dog might need to use the outdoors. Forgetting that J is downstairs and somehow knowing he is in or near the room I say, “Hey J, can you take Kayla downstairs and let her outside?” Being the awesome little dude that he is (No really, he really is a pleasant little guy) he says “Ok, let’s go Kala” but she doesn’t move. He then tells me she doesn’t want to go out, and it is at this point that I realize that Kayla is still on the foot of the bed and it was J who was standing right beside me making those breathing sounds!
I told Shana when they got home she’d better watch out. One morning, she’s going to wake up to him standing there with a knife. 
The final detail to my night of service lays in what we affectionately call… “the boink pad.”
The Boink Pad was a gift from Shana’s fil for last year’s anniversary (or maybe it was Christmas?). It’s one of those memory foam mattress toppers, and I swear to you that thing is like 5 inches thick! This was also one of the “maybe I won’t die if I sleep on the bed” factors that got me off the couch. She told me that after she got used to sleeping on it, she’d fall asleep in an instant and not wake up until the next day. I was excited for that kind of sleep. Alas, it was not to be. Whoever invented that crap is selling you an instant visit to the chiropractor, ’cause that’s what I needed after a night spent “sleeping” on it!
As contradictory as it sounds, I had a good time. The boys all got to play together and go swimming for one last time before the pool closes, I got some alone time to watch what was supposed to be the season 5 premier of “House”, and M got his nap.
I hope you’ve enjoyed the retelling of my night in Hell. Same time next year, Beautiful? 
