Cycles, They’re Vicious!

Things that go around are really starting to tick me off.  I feel overwhelmed by the amount of work it takes to move.  No.  We didn’t get a house yet.  So I stay up late avoiding the morrow.  Then I get up early, take care of the family, and go back to sleep because I’m tired from staying up late.  Because I’m sleeping, I’m not packing or cleaning.  Because I’m not packing or cleaning (or tired any more because I napped) I stay up late.  See where I’m headed with this?

Another thing, I really am not liking waking up in the morning AT ALL.  This time, it has nothing to do with the cycle.  It has everything to do with my kids nitpicking at each other and my medication having worn off overnight and me wanting to crawl in a hole and die until everyone has left for the day.  I wake up feeling scared and anxious about nothing in particular even before it all starts.  Maybe because I know all hell will break loose the moment more than one child is awake.

I think I need to email my therapist.

I’ve Had A Birthday

And it was ok!  Not fantastic, but hey, that’s what party day is for, right?  I really REALLY should be in bed now, but I knew you’d want to hear about this thing we saw today while cruising the neighborhood looking for houses.

We’re driving down this street and I’m talking to my brother when I hear something out of the corner of my ear that sounds like my husband saying: “Jesus’ carpeting…”

WHAT?!?!?!?

It turns out there was a sign in someone’s yard (or maybe it was on their truck?) that said “Jesus’ Carpentry and Landscaping”.  Nope.  Not kidding.  No need to read it again, you got it right the first time.

Excepting that where I live?  It’s pronounced “Hay-SOOS”.

Thank you, no applause, just throw money.  I’m here three shows a night, five nights a week!

Waiting For The Other Shoe

Things have been going slightly too well in my life this past couple of weeks.  Honey has been more flexible in how we put our budget together (our $60 camping weekend ended up over $200 and he didn’t say a word or give any clue he was upset!), the boys have refrained from delivering the kill blow playing nicely together during their break, we found something we’ve been looking for at a price we can well afford (more news on that later), and even though the van needed some expensive minor repairs, we were prepared for it.  I was able to purchase some picture frames I’ve had my eye on, the kids broke my first grown-up lamp (it cost more than the $10 ones at IKEA) but when I went to find a new one, they managed to have the same one even though it had not been on display at the store in some time!  My sister-in-law beat me to the punch by swiping a certain group of family memorabilia and made it available to everyone, so now I can put those new frames to good use; and I won a beautiful necklace at a Bunko fundraiser I went to this week.

I also had my second fight with Honey in our whole 11.91666666666 year marriage, and we came out intact and closer than ever.  It’s my birthday on Wednesday (which also happens to be the day of the week I was born, and since good things happen in threes and I’m going to be 33, I expect doubly good things of it!), my party is on Saturday, and amazingly enough I have stopped freaking out about it.

I’m trying to be more spiritual.  On the surface, it doesn’t appear so.  But I think it’s working.  I’m saying my prayers more than I ever had before.  I think I’m asking for things in a way that will help me achieve what I’m looking for.  For instance, the Conference Ensigns?  Never read them before.  I’ve been asking for help to remember to read them.  I’m trying to read one article a day.  Naturally, that hasn’t happened, but I have read more than one on the days that I do read, and I’ve read more days than not in the week since I started it.  I have yet to make any progress in the gossip department, but I really want to not talk about others in a way that I would not talk about them in front of their face.  It’s really hard to make these changes.  It’s hard because when that’s basically all you talk about in your group of friends and you stop doing that, what else is there?

So now I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Something bad will happen soon, I know it.  It always does.

Maybe this time it won’t.  Having that extra luck from being 33 and all.

I’m Stimulated!

Like 99% of tax-paying Americans, we received our bribe money stimulus direct deposit on Friday.  Our mechanic must really need some stimulation, because the car wouldn’t start Friday morning.  It needed a new starter and some connectors and hoses and an oil change, all to the tune of $756.72.  Ka-ching!

Today I’m ticking off some things from the needs and the wants list.  Woo-hoo!  I’m getting picture frames, a canner and setting some cash aside for salsa ingredients, stocking up on sunscreen for the summer, and the kids are getting new undershirts, underwear, and socks!  I’ll also be hitting up Home Depot to refresh the gas tank for our ‘cue and gardening supplies.  YESSSSSSSSSS!!!

Later this week, I’ll be stimulating Costco.  I’ve got to order that fabulous birthday cake!  Then I need to get some more stuff for the party bags, stuff to go in the party bags, and of course, the bags themselves.

Don’t worry, it’s not all fun and games.  We’re saving some for our next car repair (which will inevitably arrive since there isn’t any extra subsitute work), and paying off a card.

If you haven’t already been stimulated, I hope you will be soon.  It feels great!

This Is Why I Keep My Room A Mess

I know that some people say that cleaning makes them feel better.  Frankly, that’s the last thing I feel like doing when I’m feeling bad.  Unless it’s my room.  See, I am not the best housekeeper.  I’m sure you had no idea, but there it is.  SallyGirl is a slob.  We keep the public part of the house presentable most of the time, but my side of the bedroom looks like Katrina took a detour.  I avoid it like the plague, until I’m feeling pretty crappy.  Then I put on my Supremely Sally playlist and get to work, and I really do feel better again.  I’m considering making it a permanent thing, the clean half of the room.  But then something else will fall apart, and I’m not sure I want to find out what that is.  Now that I no longer stuff my face whenever I feel like it (well, except for the powdered donut incident yesterday), and I’m banned from having any kind of credit card for life (so I can’t spend my bad feelings away), I use my room as my chaos outlet.

Why do I feel like I’m lying to myself?  Probably because I am.  Damn, I hate it when I’m cognizant like that.  I am running away from responsibility, and I am running out of places to run away to.  I may be forced to start becoming responsible soon.  What if I don’t like who I am then?  What if I’m not funny anymore?  I’m scared to grow up.  Maybe I’m pissing my life away while I can.  Subconsciously I must be waiting for my husband to turn 36 so I can make sure he’s not going to die and leave me alone like my dad did.  Well that’s good news!  Three more years until I grow up!

Gosh I hope this crapfest leaves before my birthday party gets here.  I hate to be a bummer when company comes!

I Got Bupkus, Unless You Want Some TMI

Stranded.  Lots to do, no car to do it with.  I begged for mercy from the mechanics, but they close early on Saturdays.  So today?  I’ve painted my nails three times.  I could scratch your eyes out now.  We made a list of ways to stimulate the economy while helping ourselves. I learned my BIL doesn’t like me and hasn’t for years.  I un-grounded the kids from Otter Pops. It is a million degrees today, after all. My new bra came in the mail, but sadder than sad, I can no longer fill a C cup.  Can’t some of the fat from my ass migrate up there?  I mean, losing a little weight here and there is great.  I’m not going to stop doing that.  But does it always have to come from my chest???  The kids broke my most favorite adult possession, a lamp that I paid more than $10 for.  I nearly had a meltdown when Honey threw it away because I was sure somebody could fix it.  Lucky for all, I found the same lamp on the shelf at Target, even though they haven’t had it on display for months.  There were two.  I should have bought the other one as an insurance policy. I caught up on the Grey’s Anatomy episode I missed on Thursday.  It was great.  Last season was really pathetic, but I love how the characters and story lines are developing.  I read not one, but TWO articles from the Conference Ensign.  No, the world is not coming to an end.  I’m trying out a little trait they’re calling “grown-up”.  I’ll let you know how it works out. I should probably start figuring out who to bum rides off of for church tomorrow.  Part of me wants to miss.  Last month, someone from RS e-mailed me asking me to fill out some questionnaire because they’re going to start spotlighting a different sister each month in the RS Newsletter.  They wanted me to be first since I was moving.  I guess they didn’t want me that much, because when we got the new newsletter, it wasn’t me on the back.  I’ve lost all motivation to find a new house.  It’s what we need most to help our family be healthy and happy, but I just can’t bring myself to do it.  I know everything happens for a reason, so please stop saying that.  But it still feels like God led us there, gave us this perfect house, made everything fall into place and then at the last minute said:  “HA HA!  Just kidding!!” I ate a small bag of powder donuts yesterday.  I haven’t done anything like that in I can’t even remember how long.  Possibly ever.  But I did.  I pulled a full-on binge.  I’m feeling a little bit out of control in my life, so I grabbed hold of the one thing I could control and used it against myself.  Good thing I couldn’t get over to my WW meeting this morning!  I guess I could work on something productive now.  Laundry.  Whatever.  Write some letters. Ok.  That’s it.

Nothing Lasts Forever

So…. remember how weird it was that winter went on so long?  And I was flipping out that summer was going to be super hot?

I was right.  It was 100′ today.  And yesterday.  Probably tomorrow, too.