What’s Wrong? (Wait, Don’t Answer That)

Sometimes it helps just to “talk” things out to myself here.  I feel so empty, so unfulfilled today.  Useless and unnecessary, wasting valuable oxygen for the rest of the people out there.  Please don’t mistake this for being depressed, because that isn’t what it is.  Having to rely on people for the last couple of weeks to have our transportation needs met has been a real pain in the tucchus.  Coming to grips with the fact that you really do suck as a parent (but not enough to have your kids actually be better off with someone else in the role) is also very exhausting.  Navigating the waters of friends/family/marriage… depleting.  Aren’t all of those things supposed to leave you fulfilled?

I’ve been asking myself, do I (or would I) give everything in my relationships that I expect from everyone else?  To be sure, there is room for improvement in some areas and probably a few places where I haven’t, but for the most part I feel the answer to that question is “yes”.  What do you do when you feel like you’ve given more than you’re getting?  What do you do when that’s not what really matters to you, but the answer is important to put things in perspective for the person receiving all that you’ve given?  And how do you come out intact?

I hate being patient.

The Three Most Important Party Ingredients (Location, location, location!!!)

So…. I really need to get serious about planning my birthday.  It’s only 4 months and 2 days away, and I have got SO much to do!!  But here’s the thing:  I don’t know what to do about a location!

Part of me wants to have it here.  A big part.  This year, I want to have a bounce house AND a pinata!  But I don’t want the ratty neighborhood kids trying to get in on the action.  When I turned 25, they kept trying to mooch off my party.  I was really irritated!  Until it came to pinata time.  Then I got them all likkered up with sugar and sent them home to their parents.  Of course, I also lived in Happy Valley then, and parents cared about what they fed their kids there.  Here?  Not so much.  They’re giving them Mtn. Dew and Cheetos straight out of the womb in this neck of the woods.  So it’s not like I can let them mooch off of me and punish their parents at the same time for not teaching them better manners.  Wait… maybe healthy food has the opposite effect on them!  Maybe if I gave them some whole-wheat something, they might have some…. issues.  Smelly issues (nudge, nudge, wink, wink!).

On the other hand, there’s this place here that has a warehouse full of bounce houses that would be pretty cool, too!  Except everyone has to pony up $10 bucks to get in, and I’m not paying the arm, leg & toe to rent the party room - so there wouldn’t be any food, either.  OR a pinata.  Which is a major drawback, if you ask me.

Suggestions?

I also decided to have cupcakes this year instead of just cake.  And it will be more potluck-y because I’m too poor to feed all my hero-worshippers.  I mean, friends!  Wait, should I do potluck and provide the grill & condiments, or should I just say B.Y.O.Picnic?  B.Y.O.P. sounds like it might be a discouragement, but I don’t want to be minding the ‘cue and I don’t want to sentence anyone to it, either.

Alternatives?

Sigh….

Alms… Alms For The Poor…. Alms…

So, with the whole car thing we got going on, I ran out of money to buy tickets to the Bon Jovi concert this April.  I know how much you all want me to go to this concert, especially since it’s in swanky San Jose and not skanky Oakland, so I’m thinking of setting up a PayPal button on the side there for ya.

Any souvenier requests???

Don’t Hate Me Because I Got Spring!

Jealousy is an ugly thing.  I want to remind you of this before I start talking this evening.  And I’m not bragging, so don’t even go there.  I am appreciating.

I rolled out of bed this morning late enough for my WW group to think I might not show up this morning, and when I raced out the door, there was something different in the air.  No, it’s not onion harvest.  No, it wasn’t the usual boquet of Horse & Cow with notes of methane gas.  It was….. DAYLIGHT!!!

I kid you not, the sky was a most lovely shade of peachypinkorange, and it was dry as a bone on the sidewalk!  We must have hit the 40 day/40 night mark, because there wasn’t a rain cloud in sight.  Beyoooteeefull!!

 The cherry on top of it all?  We hit over 60′ today.

As I said, don’t hate me because I got Spring.  Jealousy does not become you.

Glory, Glory, Hallelujah!!!

Come 8:00 a.m. this Monday morning, I WILL BE FREE OF MY CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!

At least, the “grown up” ones.  School is back in session boys and girls!  This has been the hardest off-track period, EVER for me.  It’s probably that whole accident thing.  But anyway, we made it through, and we’re getting a “new” van next weekend, and all is starting to look up. 

THANKYEW LORD!!!  (And I truely mean that in a most gracious way.)

Still Off The Saddle

Ok, so you know I like to cook, right?  Or at least, I pretend I do.  Love the food, love the cookbooks, don’t love the work.

I AM HUNGRY!!!

I don’t feel like making anything, I’m tired of eating what’s frozen (i.e. Lean Cuisine), when are you going to make me some dinner?!?!

Could It Have Been Any Worse?

In a word, yes.  2007 could have sucked WAY more than it did.  But thank goodness, it didn’t.  I’m just going to tuck all those memories (at least all the crappy ones) over into the corner of “things I’m planning on forgetting first”, and stay motivated for a superfab 2008!

Here’s what I hope to accomplish before the year’s done:

• Get rid of even more crap from my house and give it to Goodwill, Freecycle, or just throw it away.
• Take another college course.
• Plant a fantastic veggie garden, and possibly learn how to can something.  Like salsa.
• Take more day trips.
• Become the coolest aunt, ever, to my nieces and nephews.
• Read more.
• Write more.
• Move more.
• Swear less.
• Throw myself a pretty bitchin’ birthday party.  (oops, there goes that last one!)
• Train my kids better so I can yell at them less.
• Take more trips to the beach so I can bodysurf more.
• Always wear sunscreen.

Ok.  Apparently it’s time for me to let the little crumb-snatchers take over my computer so they can watch “Herbie” on it.

Toodles!