God Bless Capitalism II

So I run into Target the other day because I need something frivolous like, toothpaste, and on my way out, what do I see???

Yeah, you wish you were my best friend now! 

Ok, they actually taste nothing like candy corn and everything like white chocolate dyed orange and yellow, but still… it’s all good, right?  I mean, it’s CHOCOLATE for cryin’ out loud!  And best of all?

It comes with a cookie recipe.

With love, from me, to you:

 

KISSES Candy Corn Autumn Cookies

3/4 cup Reese’s Creamy Peanut Butter (but you know darn well you can use any brand)

1/2 cup shortening (ew)

1/3 cup granulated sugar (that means not powdered for all you mensa rejects out there)

1/3 cup packed light brown sugar (but I bet the dark kind makes it more caramel-y)

1 egg

2 Tbsp. milk (that’s the giant spoon, not the little one)

1 tsp. vanilla extract (and you better be using pure, not that cheap crap you get at Voldemart or the dollar store!)

1 1/3 cups quick-cooking oats, divided (dude, just use whatever oats ya got.  It’s all good!)

1 cup all-purpose flour (but if you want this to remotely resemble something healthy, you’d better make half of that whole-wheat flour.)

1 tsp. baking soda

1/2 tsp. salt

66 Candy Corn Hershey Kisses

Directions:

1.  Heat oven to 350′.  Beat peanut butter and shortening in large bowl until well blended.  Add granulated sugar and brown sugar; beat until fluffy.  Add egg, milk, and vanilla; beat well.  Stir together 1/2 cup oats, flour, baking soda and salt; gradually beat into peanut butter mixture. 

2.  Shape dough into 1 inch balls.  Roll in remaining oats; place on ungreased cookie sheet.  Flatten cookies with tines of fork to form a crisscross pattern.

3.  Bake 10-12 minutes or until lightly browned.  Cool slightly; remove from cookie sheet to wire rack.  Cool completely.

4.  Remove wrappers from candies.  Place 18 candies in heavy-duty resealable (that means Ziploc) plastic food storage bag.  Microwave at MEDIUM (50%) 30 seconds; knead bag and candies.  If necessary, microwave at MEDIUM an additional 15 seconds at a time, kneading after each heating, until candies are melted and color is uniform.  Cool slightly.  Cut off corner of bag about 1/8″ from point.  Lightly drizzle cookies.  Before drizzle sets, place candy piece in center of each cookie.  About 4 dozen cookies.

God Bless Capitalism

They have tri-tip roasts on sale at my grocery store this week.  The picture in the ad looks wonderful, but my roasts never turn out that way.  No, they fall apart instead of slicing up nicely.

I asked my butcher how exactly do I get mine to look the appropriate way, and he gave me some very easy instructions.  Now, I’m left with what to season it with.  I could use my Chicago Steak Seasoning, but somehow it just doesn’t seem right.  As I wander down the nonsensical aisles of Pak n’ Save (which is the red-headed stepchild to Safeway) trying to find Tahini that was cheaper and in a smaller quantity than the jar at Raley’s, I stumbled upon what can only be a heavenly-inspired solution to my roast.

CARNE ASADA IN A JAR!  Not dry, but a wet marinade!!!  Somebody out there loves me, and it’s the person that came up with this product.  Now I can die happy.

Ten On Tuesday - 10 Things I Don’t Like About My Job

1. The pay just sucks!
2. No vacation or sick leave.
3. My bosses listen in on my phone conversations.
4. Management is out of control.
5. I get paid in homework paper with stars all over it.
6. My bosses are really demanding.
7. The hours are 24/7.
8. No one else can do the work I do.
9. I have to wear a uniform covered in spaghetti sauce or whatever else the little minions are wearing when they come up to hug me.
10. It doesn’t last forever…

Ten On Tuesday - 10 Things I Will Never Do Again

1. Go bar hopping dressed like nuns.  A)  Because nobody will go with me, and B) apparently nuns don’t dress like nuns anymore.
2. Turn left in front of a lot of traffic when somebody stops and waves me in - because some jerk will zip around the side of them and smash into you and it’s still your fault.
3. Go to a gay bar with friends to get hit on a straight drunk guy all night. ‘Nuff said?
4. Buy a vehicle from Folsom Lake Dodge - because they are rat bastards and will rob you blind and steal the shirt off your back while your babies are crying and tired.
5. Eat Jolly Ranchers - you can thank Shana the Beautiful for that one.
6. Have a baby - because three’s enough.  Eight, too much.  Just ask Tom Bradford!
7. Go to Las Vegas at 1:00 in the morning - because I’m not 20 anymore and now that it’s legal it’s no fun!
8. Forget to put on sunscreen or just not do it because it’s inconvenient - I’m surprised I don’t have skin cancer yet.
9. Drive to Utah in one day all by myself - because it’s more fun with someone else who can drive while you’re bored to death in Nevada.
10. Use a recipe in the crock pot that calls for beer as an ingredient - apparently that’s one place where the alcohol stays right there.

Ten On Tuesday - 10 Countries I’d Like To Visit

1. Spain - ‘Cause the guys are hot.
2. Greece - ‘Cause the guys are hot.
3. Italy - ‘Cause the guys are hot.
4. South America - I hear the surfing’s good, which means the guys are hot.
5. Germany - Because my husband served a mission for our church there, and hello… chocolate???
6. Mexico - Because Los Angeles doesn’t count.  Yet.
7. Brasil - Because they have excellent soccer players, which means the guys have great butts.
8. Belize - Because I learned about it in my Spanish class the second time I went to college and it looks dreamy.
9. Madagascar - Because I like to move it, move it.
10. Canada - Eh?

Ten On Tuesday - 10 Things To Do Before I Die

1. Go somewhere outside of the United States besides Los Angeles.
2. Learn to drive a stick shift.
3. Travel to Greece.
4. Graduate from college.
5. Stop cussing.
6. Save public education.
7. Eat fish without gagging.
8. Personally see to the destruction of Voldemart.
9. Travel to South America and not get freaked out by the bugs.
10. Travel to Africa.

“Improve the Shining Moments”

For the last few days, I’ve had this hymn in my head.  Which for me is really unusual, because I pretty well never have hymns go through my head if I’m not actually in church singing them.

You can click here to get an idea of what’s been running through my head, but I’ll include the words from the first verse here:

“Improve the shining moments; Don’t let them pass you by.

Work while the sun is radiant; Work, for the night draws nigh.

We cannot bid the sunbeams To lengthen out their stay.

Nor can we ask the shadow To ever stay away.“

I think this is God’s way of telling me to do more than I currently am.  He’s only given me X amount of days to live, how will I feel if that runs out tomorrow?  Or next week?  Better, if I start actually doing the things on my to-do list.  Better, if I start giving more of myself and my time to helping others.  Better, if I try to be a little less selfish.